AS A CHILD, going to the airport brought with it serious levels of excitement.
Sure, you were off on your holidays, your bumbag contained a few crisp notes to spend, your mam had promised you a mini can of Coke on the plane and your dad was giving you a few go’s on the case if you were good.
The only thing casting a shadow on proceedings was the carry-on of your parents, who were either checking their watches, hissing at you, or frantically searching for something.
Most of us couldn’t fathom them at the time, and then we grew up and realised that airports – no matter how organised you thought you were – are the stressiest places on the damn planet.
And here’s a few things that get each of us every single time.
1. The way you can’t fit your suitcase in the toilet cubicle…
But you can’t leave it outside because… warnings.
2. The way you prime yourself for the perfect boarding card scan…
But still find yourself kneeing an automatic plastic gate that refuses to open for you.
3. The way you agonise over whether something in your washbag constitutes a liquid or a gel…
But refuse to check, and experience the same confusion every time you show up.
4. The way you judge people who forget to declare their keys at security…
And then convince yourself you have a cutlery drawer lodged down your pants.
5. The way you can’t help but feel smug when you don’t set off the beeper…
And secretly judge the gobshites that do.
6. The way you deliberate over the requisite social media check-in…
But do it anyway, and then worry about how many people have just rolled their eyes at your post.
7. The way you know there’s no need to queue at the gate…
But no matter how much you fight the urge to stay in your seat, you find yourself joining the queue FOR NO DAMN REASON.
8. The way you can never remember which document to give the gate staff…
And end up unnecessarily proffering both your Passport and your Boarding Card, just in case anyone behind you thought it was going to be a swift boarding.
9. The way you suffer the same brain blank when greeting the cabin crew at the door of the airplane…
And make one ferocious enemy in the bloke who had the misfortune to stand behind you.
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10. The way you feel a ferocious sense of competition with fellow travellers at the luggage belt…
And the way they’re getting all up in your space.
11. The way you feel like a bit of a celebrity when the sliding doors draw back to allow you to enter the Arrivals Hall…
Like an absolute superstar.
