NIGHTS OUT ARE great and all. But they come with their share of mortification.
Here’s the worst of it, ranked in order:
11. Running into someone you KIND OF know
Oh look, there’s Gráinne from accounts. You can’t ignore her. Do you say hello? Do you go for the kiss on the cheek? Do you make polite conversation? If so, for how long?
AAAAAAAARGH.
10. Being introduced to someone, and not hearing their name over the music
Then after you’ve asked them to repeat it four or five times, giving up and just pretending. “Ah, great, lovely to meet you.”
9. Shouting over the music, and then suddenly it goes quiet
AND SO THEN I SAID TO MY BOSS, YOU’RE NOTHING BUT A JUMPED-UP LITTLE BAAaaaaaahem.
8. Forgetting whether you’ve met someone before
And having to awkwardly cover it up in conversation. “So how’s work going? You still in… that same place?”
7. Meeting your ex
Wow, it’s… so great to see you! We should really catch up sometime. That would be LOVELY. How long do we have to talk to each other for?
6. Those conversations where neither person can hear the other
And you’re just shouting into the void, or nodding along with whatever the other person is yelling.
5. Getting stuck in a conversation with someone who’s completely off their face
And not being able to escape, even though they aren’t making any sense
4. Becoming embroiled in a ’rounds’ nightmare
Someone you hardly know has bought you a drink, so you need to get them back, but everyone else is just finishing too, AND you were in another round with your mates. WHAT TO DO?
3. Getting intimate with someone you’ve met, just as the bright lights come on
Oh my, is that… so my hand was… oh dear Jesus.
2. Accidentally spilling a drink all down someone
Then they have to pretend that it’s OK, but you know it’s really not because they’ve got Guinness all down their dress, and you offer to buy them a drink, but they say no, and you don’t know if they’re just being polite, and this is a NIGHTMARE FROM WHICH YOU CANNOT WAKE UP.
1. Meeting the toilet attendant
How’s it going? Yeah, yeah, great. Sound. Nice to meet you. Thanks a mill buddy.
*take more hand towels than you’d get through in ten years at home, guiltily drop €2 into bowl, feel deeply uncomfortable*
