1. Every year you dread doing the Big Christmas Shop because of how hectic the supermarkets are
Shoppers trying to mow each other down with trolleys, fighting over the last bottle of Shloer and generally just being massive stressheads.
How blissful.
NOT.
2. At every corner, you have to resist the urge to buy big, unnecessary hampers
Resist the fancy cheeseboards! Resist the packet of Italian cured meats! Resist the special Christmas box of basil-flavoured crackers!
3. You trick yourself into thinking that you simply *need* things like brandy butter, chestnuts and chicken liver pate, and that Christmas won’t be right without them
Damn you, Marks and Spencer, for putting such notions in our heads.
4. Grappling with whether or not to buy a ~fancy~ drink like Baileys
On the one hand, you never drink Baileys and you can’t remember what happened to last year’s bottle. On the other hand, what if someone calls into the house and demands some Baileys?
Into the trolley it goes!
6. Stuffing your trolley with Selection Boxes lest any child is without one this Christmas
(At least one of these Selection Boxes will be lost to ‘the back of the press’ and won’t be recovered until March at the earliest.)
7. Filling your trolley with so much wine that you’re certain the cashier will think you have a problem
These are all presents, I swear! (Okay, some are presents for me.)
8. Making sure there’s enough milk, bread and sugar lest you run out of some on Christmas Day
The shops are closed for a few hours on Christmas Day, but you behave as though you’re stocking up for an imminent apocalypse.
“Better safe than sorry,” you tell yourself as you remember that time there was no milk for the tea back in 2007.
9. Roses or Quality Street?
The age-old question.
*stares at them for a minute and tosses them both in*
#YOLO.
10. Making sure that there’s enough crisps to tide you over for a few days
Box of Tayto, check. Bag of notions crisps from Aldi, check. Sack of Meanies, check. Family bag of Doritos, check.
11. Remembering to pick up the Shloer at the very last moment
You almost forget to buy the Shloer, aka a Christmas sin.
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12. Now, where exactly will you keep all this stuff given that you haven’t acquired a new fridge/more presses?
Who knows! We’ll figure that out later.
IT’S CHRISTMAS!
