THERE COMES A time in your life when you say “enough is enough”. For some it’s the moment you are forced to spend €6 on a bottle of water in the airport. For others it’s the moment when you’re voluntarily watching a companies ad on Facebook and it’s interrupted with an ad you didn’t want to see. It’s when you realise that ads within ads exist.
Here are some of the most ridiculous products that exist, all thanks to capitalism.
1. Glue for your babies head to clarify it’s gender
Girlie Glue was invented to stick bows to the heads of baby girls so that everyone knows they’re girls. Because obviously bows are strictly for females only.
2. Sometimes a bow isn’t enough to discern a tiny infants gender. Sometimes you need baby heels
Someone really believes that the lives of tiny babies who are barely conscious of their surroundings can be enhanced by the availability of little fake high heels.
These babies can’t even walk yet. In fact babies at this age hate their shoes enough as it is and throw them out of the pram all of the time. I hope babies kick these shoes off and revolt.
3. Lollipop holders for your belt
Why you ever even consider putting a lollipop in your pocket to transport it when you could pay $52 to suspend it from your belt loop?
4. Deconstructed meals and drinks
Why would you pay €30 for something that looks like your ma left it in the fridge because you decided to go out after work instead of coming home for dinner?
Why are you purposely creating the extra dishes to wash? Do you hate yourselves as much as you hate us?
5. Fine wine for your pet
6. This photograph of the Mulan Szechuan sauce McDonald’s sold in the 1990s
Not the actual sauce itself, but a photograph of it. Currently bidding stands at $76,400 because of an episode of Rick and Morty.
7. $100,000 bottled water
Two years ago Diplo and 2 Chainz were invited to a water tasting session with one of the worlds leading water experts.
You’ve got to love how the water man reassures them that the suitcase and glasses are included in the $100,000, as if those are things that anyone would ever possibly pay more than €50 for.
Only 9 of the bottles were ever produced and after 2 years they still haven’t managed to sell them all.
8. Any overpriced “Artesian” water
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Apart from being obnoxiously expensive, exploiting local communities and being incredibly harmful to the environment, these companies make the most ridiculous and useless accessories for their water.
They charge $10 for a pack of six straws.
They also sell silver sleeves to rest your water bottles in.
9. A beer specifically for drinking on planes
10. Pre-peeled fruits
see also: Fruit that does not need packaging
11. Nail polish made of Prosecco
Thank you Groupon for making Prosecco consumable in the most unhygienic manner imaginable.
