GOING TO THE chapel and we’re gonna get married. Before all of that good stuff, comes the hen party.
Here’s how it’ll go down.
1. There WILL be a theme
Hawaiian, sexy doctors, sexy nurses, sexy ballerina slash pink cowgirl, er, 80s tribute band…
2. Everyone has a nickname
There WILL be printed t-shirts from those shops you think nobody ever goes into. If you fail to nominate a suitable name for yourself, the maid of honour will pick one for you.
Bet you regret not replying NOW, ‘Ravishing Rose’.
3. The bride is wearing license plates and or a sash
Nothing says ‘I’m getting married’ like pastel pink feathers.
4. You’re forever in a group
You’re not even sure what personal space is any more. But to be honest, the last thing you want to do is break off from the gals wearing a neon green wig and leg-warmers.
5. There are penis-shaped things, everywhere
We cannot emphasis this enough… EVERYWHERE. It’s not like it’s the last time she’ll ever see one.
So many penises.
ALL of the penises.
6. It will be in Carlingford, Carrick-on-Shannon, or Westport
The location will preferably be across the coast where you stay together in a hotel so you can get as messy as. Fancy feckers.
7. Men will be objectified
Even by Auntie Carol who initially blushed at the penis cake but retrospectively is a bit of a cougar.
8. Drinks are exclusively cocktails
It’s like a rule. Martini glasses only.
Champagne is allowed for those with notions.
9. There’ll be lots of wooing
Girls just wanna have fun came on!
Someone got the shift!
10. You’ll do at least one dare
You don’t know indignity until you ask a complete stranger for his boxers.
11. Someone will state the obvious at least ten times
“She’s getting married!” What gave it away?