1. The person who insists on talking about work. Give it up, Declan, it’s Christmas
2. The well-meaning bore who holds you hostage with chat about kids/their new kitchen/’the Christmas’ as you watch your other colleagues having the craic
3. The person who says goodbye at a reasonable hour, avoiding the carnage that is to come
4. The person who is visibly bladdered by the time the main course comes out. How did this happen? We may never know
5. The non-drinker who patiently listens to their tipsy colleague’s ramblings
6. The tipsy colleague being all “What did I just say to Non-Drinker? Oh, help”
7. The person you have literally never seen before. No, who are they? Do they work here?
8. The ladladlad who drunkenly decides to give a speech, in which he declares everyone to be ‘class’ and admits that he ‘loves ye all’
9. The heretofore quiet person who turns out to be surprisingly confident on the dancefloor
10. The heretofore quiet person who turns out to be quite a lairy drunk
11. The pair who sit very close to each other, chatting and laughing, while everyone else goes “OOH WHAT’S HAPPENING THERE?!”
12. That one colleague who is fixated on shots. Everyone must be having shots. How come you do not have a shot? Here’s five
13. Your normally cranky superior, who becomes suspiciously pally after a glass of wine. No. We do not accept this
14. The guy who gets extremely affectionate after a few pints, grabbing people into back-breaking bear hugs
15. The absolute wreck-the-head who is taking photos. Stop that immediately
16. The deserter who ducks out without saying goodbye, leaving everyone wondering “Where’d Steve go?
17. The person who you assume has done the same, but who has actually been holding court in the smoking area since roughly 7pm and never once ventured inside
18. And the snake who sees fit to bring anything that happened up on Monday. A sackable offence
