UNLESS YOU HAVE a particularly cool or unbothered mam, any attempts at the following style choices will probably have been met with bafflement and disdain.
Fringes
NO ONE CAN SEE YOUR BEAUTIFUL FACE.
Ripped jeans
“Did you buy them like that? Could you not afford the rest of the jeans?” she hoots. She will repeat this to anyone else you meet while wearing said jeans. It’s up to you to decide if they’re worth the hassle in the end.
Facial piercings
Any kind of facial piercing really, but the sudden popularity of septum piercings has thoroughly confused her. Like bulls’ rings, she says.
Anything oversized
You’ve a lovely figure. Why aren’t you showing it off? (Never mind that the only thing you intend to do in this outfit is sit on the couch and eat Doritos.)
Heels that are any higher than her personal heel comfort level
The lordblessusandsaveus, the HEIGHT of them! How will you walk at all? Dad, come in here and look at the shoes on her!
Wearing all black
She didn’t like it during your goth/emo days and she doesn’t like it now.
Not having anything to cover your shoulders with
Do you not have a nice coat to put over that dress? What about a bolero? A wrap? A pashmina? Take this pashmina! Just take it! Put it in the car at least in case you want it!
And anything she considers ‘flashy’
Big fur coats. Metallic shoes. Everything Jean Byrne wears on the telly. There’s no worse crime than being flashy.
