YOU WERE LATE for work this morning. People noticed.
But you’re ALWAYS late, no matter how many hours you have to spare.
1. Your snooze button has actually faded from over-use
You set four alarms, knowing you’ll outright ignore the first three.
2. You spend more time fighting urge to get ready than actually getting ready
You’re either too calm, or just in denial. That five minute window you waste away on Facebook causes a domino effect of lateness, EVERY. TIME.
3. Your very existence becomes a web of lies you can never escape from
“I lost my keys and then my door broke and then I was summoned into the sky by aliens and then”… NO.
You’re just out of the shower, you won’t be five minutes and you know it. You’re not even five minutes away from putting down the phone.
4. You’ll never know what it feels like to arrive somewhere not looking and feeling like a sweaty mess
5. ‘Waiting’ for public transport is a myth to you
Buses never come on time? No, they always drive by just as you’re approaching.
Taxi again, so.
When you decide to leg it, slow walkers are your ultimate nemesis. Don’t they have places to BE?
6. You’ve got the ‘sorry I’m late’ whisper down to a tee
The small acknowledgement, the little grimace and apologetic smile. You imagine it comes across like this, making everything better:
In reality, it comes across more like this:
7. This text is constantly copied and pasted to angry messages in your inbox
8. You overcompensate and arrive waaay too early if something is super important
9. This strikes fear in your soul
10. Certain words bring you immense joy, but you rarely hear them
‘Delayed’, ‘postponed’ and ‘rescheduled’ all elicit extreme happiness when they land in your inbox mid late-journey.
11. Dirty looks are constantly being thrown your way
Sometimes undeserved.
Sometimes totally deserved, you HORRIBLE PERSON.
12. You always are left with the WORST choices
The early bird catches the worm and all that. Damn you all sitting down the back of the cinema, damn you all to hell.
