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crimes against food

12 food crimes that should be punishable by law

Book ‘em, Danno.

1. Using the same knife for both the butter and mayonnaise

Repeat after me: different knives for different condiments, different knives for different condiments.

mayo Flickr Flickr

2. Putting pineapple on pizza

A disgrace, a travesty and a crime against pizza.

pinea Flickr Flickr

3. Making hot chocolate with water instead of milk

Do you hate nice things? Are you deliberately trying to deny yourself pleasure? No? Then why in God’s name are you making hot chocolate with water?

4. *Ruining* guacamole with a big dollop of mayonnaise

ARE YOU TRYING TO UPSET ME?

5. Pouring the milk in first when making a cup of tea

It goes against everything we stand for as a nation, tbh.

milk Flickr Flickr

6. Eating a Kit-Kat without breaking it

Sociopathic behaviour, if you ask us.

Ck6pMAsWkAAO1-h Ghost / Twitter Ghost / Twitter / Twitter

7. Opening your crisp packet UPSIDE DOWN

You don’t need people who open their crisp packets upside down in your life.

BUmOChOCcAAij05 Emma Furniss / Twitter Emma Furniss / Twitter / Twitter

8. Double dipping your crisps in a dip being shared by others

Double dipping: to put a crisp into a dip — say, guacamole, take a bit and then put it back in.

THE GERMS.

Ca1-F9WXEAAOs3T FlossyKaz / Twitter FlossyKaz / Twitter / Twitter

9. Eating Supermacs on a train

While we understand the impulse to eat Supermacs on the train, it is highly disrespectful to your fellow passengers. See also: eating anything egg-based or a packet of cheese & onion crisps on a bus.

10. Horsing into a kiwi with the skin still on

Don’t tell me that it provides “roughage” or whatever. That doesn’t make it any less distressing.

11. Not serving beans in a ramekin

Cry notions all you want. This is the only acceptable way to serve beans. Leave the bean juice off the plate.

12. Making a scene out of eating your Kinder Bueno

If you must do it, do it in private.

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