BEING IRISH AND not liking tea is a nightmare social situation that tea-drinkers will never understand.
This silent minority of non tea drinkers have certain struggles that they deal with every day:
1. You will be offered tea on a daily basis and have to say no. Every time
When will they learn?
2. Even close friends and family members will still ask do you want a cup by default
They still don’t realise. It’s like the question is automated.
3. People who enjoy discussing tea will want you to join in
“My mam likes seriously strong tea. How much milk do you put in yours?”
*dies*
4. You have no opinion on the Lyons and Barry’s debate
And groan when you hear it raised.
Sometimes you just say an answer to move the conversation along and stop the interrogation.
5. When you’re visiting relatives you will be offered tea – and their faces when you say you don’t drink it are like
“I’m sorry to disappoint you Auntie.”
6. People will ask you to make them a cup of tea when you’re in the kitchen and you won’t have a clue what to do
A basic life skill you never needed to learn.
7. You know older people are secretly judging you all the time
“They don’t like tea? What’s WRONG with them” they all think.
8. You’ve learned how to eat biscuits without tea
And your life is just about still functioning, thanks.
9. You have said “water is fine” so many times that it’s lost all meaning
What other options do you have when the dreaded “tea?” question is uttered.
10. A gift of a “gas” mug to you is of no use at all
On the odd occasion, you might use it as an emergency glass or for Lemsip or something.
11. You feel like you need to get the fact that you don’t drink tea out there early on a first date
In case it’s a deal breaker in the relationship.
“I have something shocking to tell you. You may not like it and feel free to leave no questions asked: I don’t drink tea.”
12. When you see tea-related slogans about Ireland you sigh*
*weep silently
But you struggle on – through the awkward tea questions and bewilderment of the general public.
You’re living the no tea life now. There’s no stopping you.
