BACK IN FEBRUARY, Emily Ratajkowki surprised the world by getting married in a New York City courthouse while decked out in a mustard yellow suit from Zara.
The impromptu nuptials came as a surprise for a few reasons. For one thing, Ratajkowski had split up with her long-term boyfriend a few months prior. That meant that she had only been with her now-husband for a matter of weeks before tying the knot. Mazel tov, I guess!
Now I consume a lot of celebrity gossip on a daily basis and, I’ll be honest, I immediately forgot about Emily Ratajkowski’s wedding as soon as it happened. Besides I had more pressing concerns like getting to the bottom of who bit Beyoncé and watching the video of Conor McGregor fighting a bus from multiple angles.
In the last few days, however, I have realised I was wrong to sleep on Emily Ratajkowski’s wedding because it is in fact the most bonkers celebrity wedding news of the year. Allow me to explain why I am so obsessed with this story.
First of all, Emily Ratajkowski’s husband is named Sebastian Bear-McClard.
Sebastian Bear-McClard sounds like the name of a love interest from Gossip Girl. It makes the name Armie Hammer sound positively plebeian.
Sebastian Bear-McClard produced the movie Good Time.
Good Time is a good movie! It’s a crime caper starring Robert Pattinson and was one of the best movies I saw last year. And Emily Ratajkowski’s husband produced it! What a world.
Emily Ratajkowski did not wear a white dress to her wedding and instead opted to wear a mustard yellow suit from Zara.
I respect this frugal yet glamorous ensemble. She explained to Jimmy Fallon earlier this week that she wore the suit because she thought a wedding dress would be too conspicuous.
Their witnesses were two gentleman named The Fat Jewish and Josh Safdie.
The Fat Jewish, also known as The Fat Jew, is an Instagram celebrity who specialises in sharing memes. He wore a Planned Parenthood hoodie to the wedding. Josh Safdie, meanwhile, directed the aforementioned good movie Good Time.
Imagine having an Instagram meme king present at your wedding? Imagine explaining to your parents what he does for a living?
She also brought her pug.
A source later confirmed to US Weekly that Ratajkowski and Bear-McClard had actually known each other for years from hanging out in the same circle.
Lest anyone think this was a Britney Spears/Jason Alexander type of deal.
Sebastian Bear-McClard proposed to Emily Ratajkowski with a paperclip.
She explained earlier this week that he proposed to her in Minetta Tavern, which Google helpfully describes as a ‘celeb-magnet hot-ticket tavern’. However, he didn’t have a ring so he decided to fashion one out a paperclip that came with the bill.
Men!
But then they made their own rings.
Ratajkowski prefaced this story by explaining that she and her husband are “interesting little humans,” which I guess is the 2018 equivalent of self-identifying as “random”.
She then outlined how she and her husband bought an ounce of gold in Chinatown before bringing it to “a very nice Israeli man” who made their rings in his studio the night before the wedding.
This is what the ring looks like.
A little too ‘found this in a loaf of brack’ for me, but whatever floats your boat.
As far as I am concerned, this wedding has everything. A fascinating origin story, very niche Instagram celebrities, a half-arsed proposal, a frantic dash around New York to acquire gold.
It’s glamorous, but kind of scaldy. Romantic, but high octane. I love it. May Emily Ratajkowski and Sebastian Bear-McClard have a long and happy life wearing luxe tracksuits together.
