1. A boy that plays GAA and drinks milk from the carton during class
95% of the time this boy will be carrying a gym bag.
2. A mature student who works as hard as they possibly can to extend the class
There’s four minutes to go and everyone in the class has their fingers crossed under the desk that the mature student doesn’t send the lecturer off into another big spiel.
Fair play to them going back to college and all that, but if you have any more questions this late into the class it’s probably best to have a one-on-one conversation. There are people who need to go to other classes or go to work or catch the last bus for three hours back to another county and you’re making them look rude when they get up to leave.
3. One person who is always far too eager to be the first to read their creative writing out to the rest of the class
The tutor makes everyone write poems or something and 95% of the class are sweating and avoiding eye contact in hopes that they are not asked to read aloud. No need to panic, because there is one person absolutely dying to read out their weird poem in which they will most definitely divulge too much information.
It’s a weird mix of being uncomfortable while listening to their poem about accidentally killing their dog or losing their virginity, but also being extremely relieved that they’ve saved you the embarrassment of reading out your own work.
4. The person who was so smug about the fact that they did every reading
These people were genuinely few and far between, but they really made the most of the attention they got.
5. That person who is constantly hungover
Most likely came up to Dublin from the country and spends every single week night in any of the establishments on Harcourt Street wasting their parents money on drink promotions like 15 Jaegarbombs for €30. They are dead in the eyes. The only reason they showed up was to get their attendance grade but they’re really unsure if it was worth it.
6. A metal-head in a wolf t shirt
They usually keep to themselves but if anything Medieval comes up, they know everything. Not sure what the correlation between wolves and the Medieval Period is, but it’s definitely a thing.
7. Someone who is pretty racist but never faces any consequences for it
Everyone in the class collectively says “Jesus Christ” under their breath every time this person interjects with an “Well, actually colonialism was a good thing, because people in India learned how to speak English.”
8. Someone who is way too familiar with the lecturer
In a lecture with 300+ people, they shout out and make points and always call the lecturer by their first name. The majority of the rest of the room think it’s inappropriate, but not as inappropriate as following the lecturer around the college outside of class time and office hours, which a lot of these first-name callers also do.
9. The people who are clearly speaking for no reason other than to get their participation grade
It’s very clear that they did not do any of the readings. Who has? However, these people think they are masters at bullshitting but it’s very clear to the rest of the class that they have no idea what’s going on. A lecturer asks them a very specific question about a book and suddenly they’re like “That’s funny. That actually reminds me of a scene in the third series of Game of Thrones where…” and then they go into a seven minute rant.
The teacher, just as confused as everyone else, refuses to ask them another question for the rest of the class because of their unpredictability, so their plan basically works.
10. That person who did one politics module and suddenly started coming to class with Young Fine Gael pens
At least their dads are proud of them for having the politics of a 50-year-old man.
11. An American over on Erasmus that brought all of their American academic language over with them
You would swear they’re being paid to say “pertains to” as often as possible.
12. That one person who raises their hand with “not a question, but more of a comment…”
They believe that their opinion is truly worth interrupting the lecturer to basically repeat everything that they just said back to them. If they’re not repeating what the lecturer just said, they just really enjoy the sound of their own voice making a very bland point.
13. That one person who always arrives 30 minutes late to a class that is only 50 minutes long.
They probably do it pretty consistently, or show up doing something weird like still wearing their bike helmet and one side of their jeans tucked into their sock. Just accept that you are too late to come to class without confusing everyone.
14. Someone that is extremely active in clubs and societies
You have never seen them wear anything except for a clubs or socs hoodie. Every week you wonder if they’re going to wear something else, but nope they’ve still got the Drama Society Ski Trip 2013 hoodie on. Maybe the conditions of being allowed go on the Drama Society Ski Trip 2013 were that you are forced to wear the hoodie for eternity.
15. All of the background people
If you or a friend do not identify as any of the above… congratulations. You’re a background person. You keep to yourself in college.
When a lecturer asks a question and is waiting for someone in the room to chime in with an answer, you casually pretend it’s very important that you flick through your notebook.
You try look too busy and like you’re concentrating way too hard on finding something in your notes to answer a question. It always works.
