ON THIS DAY.
It’s the bane of every Facebook user’s life.
Sure, it occasionally throws up nice photos or a funny status about a night out you had in 2009. But most of the time, it just serves as a reminder of what an absolute loser you used to be.
It’s not so much an exercise in nostalgia as it is in mortification.
I joined Facebook in 2008.
Here was my first status:
Ah, 2008. Back when it was socially acceptable to talk about yourself in the third person on Facebook.
Over the past few weeks, I’ve collected some of my most embarrassing “On This Day” memories. Here are some of the worst.
November 2nd 2009: So, here I am in 2009 alerting people to a cool new song called Fireflies by Owl City.
Remember Fireflies? That song with nonsense lyrics like “A foxtrot above my head/A sock hop beneath my bed”? Back in 2009, I felt it was my duty to share it with all my friends.
According to Irish Charts, Fireflies entered the Irish Top 40 on January 21st 2010 and topped the charts. No doubt my influential status on Facebook (0 likes, 0 comments) got the song to the top.
You’re welcome, Owl City.
November 5th 2009: A few days later, I informed everyone of my intense urge to see the children’s film Despicable Me.
“Strike that, need to see this.”
At this point, I feel it’s worth noting that I have never seen the film Despicable Me and I have no idea why I was so hellbent on seeing it in 2009 either.
November 8th 2009: I can’t even with this nonsense.
You hear that, “bitches”? Christ, how did I have friends at all.
(For the record, I just tried to turn my foot in a clockwise motion while drawing a ’6′ in the air and found it impossible, so.)
November 11th 2009: In which I laid into the concept of 6th Year
Clearly a very stressful time for me. At least I really let 6th Years have it.
November 13th 2009: RIP, me
A recurring theme in my posts from 2009 is the television show Glee. Every single week, I posted a status to the effect of “Oh my God, I just died” about whatever happened in Glee that week.
Between Glee and 6th Year, it was just a really emotionally turbulent time.
October 14th 2010: Oh nothing, just some classic Chilean Miners gags
November 7th 2010: Still churning out hot takes on the song Fireflies by Owl City
The song Fireflies occupied my brain for a whole year. Think about that.
November 11th, 2011: Insulted an entire community
My apologies to the Jewish community in Ireland. I was young and immature, and nursing a crush on Paul Rudd at the time.
November 12th, 2011: Posts the most basic status ever
*deletes Facebook forever*
In conclusion? On This Day can go and shite.
Hate you, On This Day.