1. GETTING UP EARLY? For the love of God, don’t leave your phone vibrating on the floor so that it wakes the rest of the house up.
2. Equally, be considerate when using your hairdryer. Unless you work in the office featured in The Devil Wears Prada and need to look A1, you don’t need to disrupt everyone else’s sleep with the sound of you blowdrying your hair.
3. When staggering in after a night out, please make sure you (and your mates/significant others/stand) walk into the right bedroom. *death stare*
4. And please don’t pop a frozen pizza into the oven and fall asleep. Or if you do make pizza, please make sure the pizza is out of the box. Trust us, your housemates won’t be too thrilled when you set the smoke alarm off at 3.30am.
5. Don’t leave wet towels on the floor of the bathroom.
6. Don’t you dare use a towel that doesn’t belong to you. *shivers*
7. The plughole is not an acceptable place for your hair to reside in the long-term.
8. WIPE THE GODDAMN TOILET SEAT!
9. Used teabags should not be left to languish in the kitchen sink. Truly there is nothing more bleak than having to take cold teabags out of the sink with your bare hands and walk them to the bin.
10. Under no circumstances should an empty carton of milk be placed back inside the fridge. Don’t be that guy.
11. Rob someone’s cereal once? Fine in an emergency. Rob someone’s cereal multiple times until they open the cupboard to find only a box of crumbs? YOU DESERVE TO GO TO JAIL.
12. …but also don’t be that person who is writing “AISLING’S CHEESE” on every block of cheese they’ve ever purchased.
13. You must never judge your hungover housemate.
14. Even if they’ve ordered pizza at 12pm and are watching a Catfish marathon on MTV. (In fact, you should probably sit down and rub their head.)
15. Keep the passive aggressive texts/notes to a minimum.
16. (But do feel free to send a pass-agg text in an emergency. Sometimes it’s all you can do.)
17. A saucepan must not be left to “soak” for more than one day. We all know that “I’m leaving it soak” is code for “Ugh, I can’t be arsed right now”.
18. Unless you’ve just been called out to perform emergency brain surgery, don’t leave your dishes/cutlery there for your housemate to wash.
19. Unless you enjoy coming home to notes like this, that is.
20. (Fully justified, tbh.)
21. Loud sex: keep it down and don’t make breakfast any more awkward than it needs to be. Your fella isn’t off to fight in World War 2, after all.
22. Speaking of significant others… don’t be that antisocial couple that eats in the bedroom and doesn’t speak to anyone. We won’t bite, we swear.
23. Oh, and don’t horde plates in your room.
24. That’s gross.