1. Making plans becomes a cat and mouse game of who might cancel first.
2. That instant blissful relief you feel after you/they cancel is truly one of life’s joys and is tricky to replicate.
3. You will never, ever remember what you had to eat at anyone’s wedding. Prepare a vague answer and stick with it.
4. Unless they had something swanky like loads of bread rolls for everyone or an unusual soup. “Beetroot? It can’t be nice, can it? OH, do you know, it’s lovely!”.
5. You will now proceed to roll out the beetroot soup story at at least the next five weddings. Very handy if you’re stuck at a shite table with the spares and need to chit chat.
6. You can’t remember how you ever thought wine was sick. It’s lovely.
7. You’re slightly worried about how much you love wine but sure doctors say it’s good for you and you don’t read the articles where they change their mind and say it’s not good for you anyway.
8. Jason McAteer and Phil Babb no longer play for Ireland. And Ryan Giggs doesn’t play for Man Utd. Hmmm, when did that happen?
9. Lying about your age is a genuine accident because you’ve forgotten if you’re 31 or 32.
10. You might have to spend more than €6 on pillows every four years if this pain in your neck is ever going to go away.
11. Also, buying mattresses is a thing. Who knew?
12. Some songs are twenty years old (Ironic by Alanis Morissette for example). Somehow, you must learn to cope.
13. You have had enough birthdays, really. Let’s put an end to that. They only serve to remind you how fast the years are pelting by.
14. You will happily pay €7.50 for a can of San Pellegrino because you are worth it.
15. You will also happily pay extra for a phone with more storage to ensure that you never ever ever get a “storage almost full” message again. The day you come to terms with this is the day you achieve inner peace.
16. People who are 25 who complain about feeling old/getting old/how they can’t believe how old that song is can go and shite, quite frankly.
17. Was that hair there yesterday? Probably not.
18. Yes that pub is fine you suppose but is it not very LOUD and will we go early to get seats?
19. You have ceased to be a child and are now an adult just like your mam and dad, and HEAVENS aren’t they good pals to have?
20. (But who’s going to mind them in their twilight years oh god bless us and save us all)
