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Dublin: 8 °C Wednesday 21 March, 2018

If Irish babies were named after the reason they were conceived...


WITH THE RELEASE of the most popular baby names in Ireland in 2017, we at got thinking back to this tweet.

It inspired us to imagine what Irish kiddies would be called if parents were brutally honest about their existence on earth. So without further ado, here’s 9 honest Irish families:

PastedImage-37295 Source: Conal McSweeney/Electric Picnic/Facebook

Hey, Monthly-Missionary, I need you to babysit What-Happens-At-Electric-Picnic-Does-Not-Always-Stay-At-Electric-Picnic while I go to the off licence.

shutterstock_1030761934 Source: Shutterstock/Oksana Kuzmina

No! Night-The-Electric-Blanket-Was-Broken, stop eating spaghetti out of the bin, you and Breastfeeding-Is-Not-A-Failproof-Method-Of-Contraception have already brushed your teeth.

PastedImage-30306 Source: Niall Carson/PA Archive/PA Images

Hey, St.-Patrick’s-Day, you have to share your popcorn with your two brothers Losing-The-Run-Of-Myself-In-The-Galway-Tent and Trying-For-A-Girl.

PastedImage-49788 Source: RTE

For God’s Sake, One-Night-Stand-From-New-Year’s-Eve-In-Dingle, stop taking Efficacy-of-the-Pill-is-Reduced-by-the-Use-of-Antibiotics’ toys! I am trying to feed Storm-Ophelia!

PastedImage-17523 Source: Green Party

Look, Sex-Education-In-This-Country-Is-A-Joke-And-Given-By-Nuns, you’re the one who asked for a little brother so stop complaining about That-Time-The Government-Legalised MDMA playing with your toys.

shutterstock_1028637982 Source: Shutterstock

Hey, Pressure-To-Produce-A-Grandchild, please help I-Think-He-Needs-A-Sibling-He’s-Getting-Really-Weird to tie her shoelaces whilst I change Mid-Life-Crisis’ nappy.

PastedImage-7343 Source: PA Images

The problem with our family is that poor little Complete-Surprise-At-44 gets ganged up on by Ireland’s-2009-Grand-Slam-Victory and The-Great-Snow-Of-December-2010.

PastedImage-41385 Source: Shutterstock

My eldest daughter People-Won’t-Stop-Asking-Us-When-We’re-Having-A-Baby is 12 tomorrow; almost old enough to babysit That-Wake-Got-Out-Of-Hand, Oh-God-I-Thought-We-Said-Two-Was-Enough and Just-The-Tip.

PastedImage-79793 Source: Copper Face Jacks/Facebook

Hey, Coppers-After-Donegal-Beat-Mayo-In-The-All-Ireland, tell Birthday-Cocktails and My-Biological-Clock-Was-Ticking that it’s time for dinner.

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