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Dublin: 0 °C Wednesday 21 March, 2018

11 things all Irish men should know by 25

Very important things, of course.

IN SHOCKING NEWS today, it turns out that the average man only learns how to use a washing machine by the age of 24.

Now, that particular survey may or may not be 100% accurate, but there are some important life skills that lads over the age of 25 should have mastered by now:

1. The perfect urinal stance

eyecontact2 Source: Shutterstock

Eyes stay above a definite level and no eye contact shall ever be made.

This is a universal rule and if someone haven’t nailed it by 25 then their friends need to have a quiet word.

2. How to deal with people in your house doing jobs

shutterstock_236131546 Source: Shutterstock/wavebreakmedia

You have absolutely no knowledge of why the sink is broken, but you now feel the need to at least acknowledge there is a problem and make friendly chatter/banter with him. it mostly involves you nodding sagely as they describe the technical problem.

3. Having a basic knowledge of sporting events to bluff your way through tiresome small talk

2163760529_914e576884_z Source: flickr

We’re not talking actual knowledge here. But when you’re stuck at a family function chatting to that Uncle for ten minutes, it might help to know that one national team played another national team last week.

4. Addressing bouncers correctly on a night out

Queue Source: *sax

You’re not asked for ID anymore so you just need to give the doorperson a gentle nod and hello. There is absolutely no need to try and be his best friend and talk your way in any more.

You’re legitimate now. You’re an adult with no need to bring that passport out.

5. A detailed knowledge of round etiquette

Nine pints of Guinness Source: John Picken

When it’s OK to not involve yourself and when to excuse yourself. How to handle it when you have to leave early.

These are all key lessons that should have been learned after a massive rounds debacle that tore apart friendships when you were 23.

6. Knowing what clothes actually fit you

61qoRydWwtL._UL1500_ Source: Images-amazon

That really baggy pair of jeans seemed legit when you were 19, but there is a magical line some time in your 20s that make such clothing a travesty to humanity.

7. And what makes a good pair of shoes

Corthay-shoes-@-Leffot-830x551 Source: Parisiangentleman

Suddenly your life becomes filled with things that you just can’t wear your trusty Vans to. It’s a sad, but inevitable, part of moving past your college days.

8. Learning how to make conversation with a proper stranger

packedbus Source: Twitter

A key skill in life, and one that gets more important as you race through your 20s.

9. Having different answers about your life prepared depending on the audience

shutterstock_145432147 Source: Shutterstock/bikeriderlondon

There are times to unleash the truth and there are times to hold the tongue. Telling your Aunt what you actually did last night when she asks might seem like delightful honesty, but it usually turns awkward fast.

10. How to cook one impressive-sounding meal by yourself

Penang Char Kway Teow @ Mount Erskine Hawker Stalls Source: m4sh.3d

One will do.

Learning one meal and being able to execute it makes you seem like a suave, competent human being.

11.  Make it seem like you know what you’re doing while having sex

We belong together Source: Marina Aguiar Araujo

Again, it’s not like you have to have actual expertise, just giving off the impression that you know what you’re doing helps men of a certain age (over 25) look distinguished.

More Look at the excellent card this guy’s friends got him to celebrate his massive weight loss>

More 11 of the most ridiculous things ever found on Irish Tinder>

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