THINKING OF GOING ‘out out’ tonight?
You’ll be seeing these things, so.
1. The Lads
Identifiable by their extravagant shouting, legs-akimbo seating positions and liberal use of nicknames ending in “-o”. (By the way, if you’re seeing them from this angle, something has gone wrong.)
2. The Girls
Identifiable by their extravagant shouting, elaborate hairstyles and ‘wolf pack’ pavement domination.
3. A couple shifting in a really uncomfortable public way
Are they using their hands? They’re probably using their hands.
4. A girl who can’t walk in her shoes
5. Someone lurking awkwardly at the edge of the dancefloor with a pint
They feel too self-conscious to dance but want to show enthusiasm. So they… okay, it’s always a he… he just stands there bobbing quietly to himself and hoping his friends come back when MGMT finishes.
6. A couple having an argument
With crying. Always the crying.
Double points if they then make it up and become number 3.
7. An awkward work night out
Looking a bit uncomfortable in their shirts. Usually one older person who is pretending to understand their younger colleagues’ in-depth analysis of The Wanted.
The ‘cool’ members of the office will have removed their lanyards.
8. A mortifying chat-up attempt
Watch the victim stare into the middle distance, hoping desperately for someone to come back from the bathroom.
9. A third wheel
Or a fifth wheel. Whatever.
10. Two people trying to have a chat somewhere really loud
Who you know just came to the club because they wanted another drink, and are now regretting it.
11. A guy losing it on his own on the dancefloor
With possibly dangerous consequences for all around.
12. And finally, queues in the takeaway at 3am
Complete with people eating things they would never normally consider eating, and numbers 1 through 11 all over again. Have a good night!
Anything we’ve missed? Let us know in the comments…