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10 people you are absolutely guaranteed to meet at every Irish wedding

It’s just a fact.

LONG GONE ARE the days when every Irish wedding followed the same format.

Between civil ceremonies, humanist celebrations and foreign festivities, the template for the traditional Irish wedding has undergone a major makeover.

And while you may no longer be able to anticipate the form an Irish wedding might take, you can almost certainly anticipate its guestlist.

And here are just 10 people you are bound to meet…

1. The relative who just happens to be a priest.

After considerable ‘discussion’ with the parents and in-laws, parties on both sides of the family finally agreed to accept that the ceremony would be a humanist one… but only if a priest from within the family could attend.

And that’s where great-uncle Tomás comes in, lads. He’s down with the kids.

fr ted

2. The doddery neighbour who’d much rather be at home.

There was absolute war over whether she’d get an invite, but the parents of the bride insisted, so here she is.

And she’d rather be at home on the couch, if truth be told.

3. The person who knows NO ONE except their date.

Christ, the entire wedding party feels for this fella.

He’d struggle to pick the newlyweds out of a line-up, and there he is frantically necking a pint while desperately making small talk with the bride’s uncle.

small talk

4. The hyperactive child everyone is (secretly) irritated by.

This lad can normally be found rocking a pair of Converse with his suit.

He hasn’t stopped since the ceremony, and he’s not about to stop any time soon either.

5. The oul lad who tries to make friends with everyone.

He’ll lean nonchalantly against the bar for the guts of a day – leaving only for a feed of spuds – engaging anyone, within a 20 foot radius, in conversation.

He’ll have his jacket open, his pint pressed against his stomach and nothing to say about anything, but that won’t stop him.

bar

6. The guest who got absolutely sh*tfaced the night before.

This person is normally a friend of the couple, who went to town in the resident’s bar the night before, and is generally found asleep in the hotel lobby an hour before the ceremony kicks off.

This person is also the talk of dinner, and bets are placed on whether they’ll make it to the First Dance.

7. The person who’s in an absolute snot.

Whether it’s with their partner, the hotel or another guest, there’s always at least one person who’s in a p*sser, and for some reason everyone knows about it.

Suggestions are made that they ‘do the right thing’, and eff off home.

Girls

8. The groomsman everyone is talking about.

Whether it was due to his speech, his prowess on the GAA pitch or his eye for the ladies, there is always at least one groomsman who makes a name for himself on the day.

And he only bloody loves it, and all.

9. The teenage waiter in an absolute sweat.

God love him, it’s only his second weekend on the job, and he’s on staff for a wedding.

This lad can normally be found downing pints of water in the corner of the room between courses, shakily topping up people’s glasses, and getting a b*llocking off another member of wait staff.

10. The person who rules the dancefloor.

You don’t want to stare, but you can’t help but marvel at this person’s stamina.

They haven’t stopped since the band kicked off, and you wouldn’t be surprised if they were still going as the breakfast cutlery was being laid out.

crazy dancing

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