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Mental health awareness

'I was terrified of my own voice:' GBBO's Kim-Joy on life with severe social anxiety

‘I feared rejection so much.’

KIM-JOY HEWLITT was undoubtedly one of this year’s more memorable Great British Bake-Off contestants.

The Great British Bake Off 2018 Book Signing - London EMPICS Entertainment EMPICS Entertainment

And while she ultimately lost out to Rahul Mandal in the final of the long-running series, she won tens of thousands of new fans following weeks spent in the GBBO tent.

In a recent interview with The Guardian, the 27-year-old explained that she began baking in an effort to overcome severe social anxiety.

“If you make something, it makes people like you. It’s just about making people happy, I guess,” she said.

Casting her mind back to her childhood, Kim-Joy recalls relocating to the UK from Belgium at the age of nine, and struggling to integrate with her classmates.

I didn’t really speak when I was at school, I was pretty much mute. I would talk at home, and sometimes I whispered to people, but I was very careful about who could hear me talk; I didn’t want people to know that I could. I would say it was severe social anxiety.

Kim, who has completed a masters in psychology, acknowledged that while this behaviour is common among young children, it is seen less frequently among adolescents.

There’s selective mutism as well, but a lot of that is in really young children, and this was at secondary school. So I don’t know if I fit the criteria. But I don’t really believe in criteria anyway.

“I was always trying to break out of my shell because I knew that wasn’t really me. But who was I?” she continued.

Like many teenagers who struggled to integrate, Kim-Joy hoped that entry into third-level would bring an end to social anxiety, and signal a new chapter in her story.

Unfortunately, this wasn’t the case, and she continued to struggle in social situations.

I thought: ‘I’m just going to start being me.’ But when I got there, I really didn’t know how to talk to people, I’d not interacted that much. I would just say really weird things.

Kim sought solace in baking, and over time learned how to interact with others.

I started making friends by baking. And I’ve got a lot more normal as time’s gone on.

Yesterday, Kim-Joy shared the interview with her followers on Instagram, and elaborated on her experience of social anxiety.

I had rules about who could hear me and who couldn’t. I was terrified of the sound of my own voice. I didn’t want people to know I could talk normally or that I had a personality, because I feared rejection so much.

Like she told The Guardian, Kim-Joy acknowledges the strides she has made, but admits that she rarely makes it though a day without experiencing moments of social anxiety.

I have come a long way since then but still experience moments of social anxiety most days. Worrying that people don’t like me, and when they do like me, I worry about when I will disappoint them and they will stop liking me. Even though I know this makes no sense.

“I think social anxiety is a life long journey for most people. And it’s definitely something that has made me who I am,” she concluded.

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