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Dublin: 5 °C Monday 15 October, 2018
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IT’S OVER FOR another year, and we’ve completely changed our letters to Santa.

Roses were eaten, drinking games were abandoned after getting too vigorous, and curse words were muttered in front of most Irish kids.

The 2014 Toy Show saw Ryan sprayed with various gooey substances and Ed Sheeran basically won over the whole country by surprising a fan. We were there every step of the way.

Here’s how it all went down.

Right, we couldn’t wait any longer. Welcome! We’re mere MINUTES away from what we’re told is a Chitty Chitty Bang Bang style opener.

You may not have got your paws on a coveted Golden Ticket, but I’m here to keep you company. I’m not gonna lie, it might get tough. There’ll be times of embarrassment, times of stress, times you’ll idly bite into the green rose thinking it’s caramel only to be met with coffee. But stick with us, it will be mostly fun.

We only have about 269 performers and toy testers to get through. Gulp.

Is the news STILL on? How much news could there possibly be?

IT’S GOT TO BE SOMEWHERE.

C’mon Eileen, do us a solid and wrap it up.

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What goodies have you all got? SHOW ME YOUR GOODIES. I have none so will live vicariously through you.

Important questions coming in though.

b

Obviously. You should too.

It’ll have to be a Monster though, which is apparently the work of the devil.

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Yes kids, stayed tuned for more fun facts just like these.

HERE WE GO. If you’re outside Ireland and in a big panic, here are some guidelines to help you tune in.

Spare a thought for these pour souls, at least you’ve a chance.

What an opener. It’s got it all. Clapping audience

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LOADS OF dancing kids

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Ryan looking… unique.

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Hope you’ve drank yourself into a stupor there.

We don’t know about you, but Heidi is our new favourite kid ever.

We also found our new favourite reaction to everything, ever.

doll

Mmm hm.

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OH NO. We’ve reached the Frozen segment way ahead of schedule. Are we all OK out there? Drunk? Hiding your kids eyes? I think we can all agree that that little boy is not taking ANY BULL.

Big future. BIG.

We have our first solo singer. Rachel Coyne, or is it Coin? Who CARES, listen to her.

Getting washed away by floods of inadequacy here.

KAYLA. Not gonna be the best lady representative of the parallel parking fight but sure look.

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Watch out Ryan. 2SASSY4U.

It’s the first audience gift! Bulters chocolates… meh. Our jealousy is at about a code yellow, nothing to be worried about just yet.

Look at them all there, smug as anything. Shower of jammers.

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Well, the first ad break. How are we all getting on? I’m drunk on Monster. That’s not even possible.

The first fan surprise!

AND they get to soundcheck at Croke Park, lucky divils.

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All this does is make me miss Domhnall. Ah, Domhnall.

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Important dispatches from the home of Julia Gelezova are reaching us. It’s all getting a bit much for some.

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The ride on! Will they go rogue?

No, they didn’t. But RYAN DID. He totally bike jacked this little girl.

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We’ll always have batman though.

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Ryan has COMPLETELY lost the run of himself. and he said SHIT. Can you blame him?

ryan

HE WARNED YOU.

He also bought it with money he got from keeping cows, so look after it.

Another break, take a breather, get some fresh air. Put down the credit card and log off Amazon, the spinny thing isn’t on there, you want Smyths.

We want to fly :(

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Scoil Mhuire choir from Lucan… I bet that’s a GREAT SCHOOL.

*runs off*

AOIFE HAS A CHICKEN.

Albertina is sick of your s**t to be honest.

albert

“Was it for this?”

The books segment! That means it’s almost time for bed :(

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Ryan seems delighted.

Quaid is a little legend though, check him out teaching Ryan how to say Happy Christmas in sign. Read more about him here.

readers

Jesse Jane is 9 and she is absolutely terrifying. FAIR PLAY!

Even Ryan is apprehensive.

SCARED

BRING BACK THE BILLY BARRY KIDS. All is forgiven.

Ryan is going around nerfing the audience with a kid dressed in a green Iron Man costume he made himself. Am I hallucinating?

IS IT FOLK? IS IT TRAD? YOU DECIDE.

Here come the techy kids to make us all feel inadequate in their own unique way.

A 3 gift card? The quality of swag is waning and so is Tubs’ general enthusiasm levels. Poor lad, will someone get an Ovaltine on the hob there for him? He won’t be long.

Oh, and me.

You’re all loving Ed Sheeran.  Where were you Niall? WHERE WERE YOU.

“It goes on and on don’t go away” mutters a clearly unravelling Tubs. Hold in there man, we’re all rooting for you.

On and on and on and on.

A woodies voucher for the audience! Em, not trying to start anything but they got feckin’ tablets last year.

A GAME RYAN, bring it.

The drones have found us. Nowhere is safe. Except Joshua’s closet. We’re not sure what’s going on here but we are appreciating it with all we’ve got.

josh

Now he’s playing bananas like a damn keyboard. Is there anything Joshua can’t do?

Wonderful scenes.

And just like that, it’s all over. We laughed, we cried, we ate, we were all this girl who was waving at the wrong camera.

wve

Thanks for joining me on the blog. I’m off to lie awake in bed all night after that Monster (and doll).

GOOD NIGHT ONE AND ALL. It’s officially Christmas :)

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