THIS WEEK BROUGHT us the arrival of ‘brogurt’: a yogurt designed especially for men only.
Here’s what it’s all about – plus five other things which certainly, definitely needed to be branded ‘for men’.
1. Men-Only Yoghurt
Sick of eating that feminine-style yoghurt? Yeah, us too. Step forward Powerful Yogurt:
In a niche typically dominated by female consumers, we decided to develop a new Greek yogurt specifically suited to address the unique health and nutrition needs of the most neglected consumers in the category: men.
It has a bull’s head for a logo, so you know it’s not a girly food. (That would have, like, a rabbit or something.)
2. Men-Only Tights
Aka ‘mantyhose’. Or ‘guylons’. Whatever. Fashion firm Emilio Cavallini make tights for men, and it’s a growing area apparently – so much so that some sizes are too big for most women. Lisa Cavallini told WWD:
We’ve had so many requests for mantyhose that we’ve added an extra-large size for men who are six feet tall and weigh up to 198 pounds.
3. Men-Only Sponges
Sorry, it’s not a sponge. Sponges are for girls in the bath. This is a Detailer Shower Tool. It’s basically like something you’d hang from your workbench, except it’s for scrubbing your bits. From the Amazon product description:
Get the right level of clean for all your parts. The Detailer is designed to work with Axe Shower Gel to keep every part of you ready for action.
See? It’s more like preparing a tank for battle than it is having a lovely wash with some lavender bubbles. GET IT DONE.
4. Men-Only Scented Candles
AKA Mandles (what is it with putting the word ‘man’ into product names?), or “Candles On Testosterone”. The vibe we’re getting here is that it’s NOT like that coconut thing your girlfriend makes you put in the bathroom when guests are round. It’s more like… you know. A scented candle for men.
Scents include “Pizzeria”, “Wood Shop”, “Kegger” and, um, “Stripper’s Mouth”.
5. Men-Only Muesli
Because women’s ickle mouths are too sensitive for the man-muesli us guys need. And because this isn’t your girly granola. This is MANFUEL.
6. Men-Only Mascara
Called manscara, because obviously. From the website:
A fantastic way to define your eyes. This black mascara is applied to your eyelashes to colour and enhance them, or simply to separate and tidy lashes. Our new range of male makeup comes in sealed plain & simple packaging.
So it’s different from girly mascara, OK? Look at that packaging. It’s basically a bullet.