THESE ARE NOT the inspirational and moving stories you’d expect to see on the popular Humans of New York Facebook page. No, these are moaning, entitled, Millennials of New York and they’re all part of a new highly-entertaining Instagram.
Alec McDonald and Connor Toole set up the account, which parodies the stories found on the original Facebook, turning them into caricatures of themselves.
Foodies can’t escape
I’m a devout foodie. I love everything about food and I’m constantly looking for the best and most interesting restaurants to try out. My friends are always like “Rachel, how do you not get fat when you eat so much?” The thing is, I have a really fast metabolism, which is lucky I guess. I also never eat the food. I just photograph it.
Wannabe writers
For a while I wanted to be a novelist, I even received an MFA in Fiction Writing from a prestigious graduate school. Now, I’m proud to say I work in an office doing ‘Business Stuff’ like my dad. The people here pay me according to how long I can handle being bored without losing concentration, or shouting. Also, I get to wear a tie. It’s just like ‘Mad Men.’ So, yes, I am very happy.
Of course, animals are included
I don’t like to talk about it, because it’s really such an unrealistic life goal to even think of actually having. But, ok, I’ll tell you. My dream is that, maybe, with enough hard work, dedication, and the loving support of my family and friends, I can one day be a meme.
Independence? PAH
You can’t move to New York City unless you’re not afraid to fail. I think that’s why I’ve been so successful , I’m not afraid of having to ask my parents for money when I start running out. It’s really changed my whole outlook on life.
Organic advocates
Buying organic and local is just a way of life for me now. It’s just so important to me that I know where the stuff I buy is being farmed and who is doing the work. That’s why I’m proud to say my weed guy lives in my building and the weed I smoke is sourced from a secret roof garden in Queens, as it should be.
And we all know this person…
I buy passes for music festivals and post them on Instagram before reselling them so people think I have a social life. I’ve actually never been to one. I had someone ask me why I never post pictures of the actual festival and I said, ‘I leave my camera at home because reality shouldn’t be viewed through a lens.’
Apt. You can see the rest over on the millennials of New York Instagram account.
