MANY OF US moved out of the family home in our late teens or early twenties, but considering that a lot of us also brought our washing back home to Mammy every weekend, the leash was pretty short.
We mean, there’s moving out, and there’s moving out out
Moving out generally involves a college stint and a diet of frozen pizza, moving out out seems to require an in-depth knowledge of mould and more than a passing interest in tenants’ rights.
And here are just a few things no one told you before you made the leap.
1. You’ll become mildly more interested in lights.
In that, you’ll actually turn them off now.
2. You’ll ponder miscellaneous items in your kitchen, or more specifically, the absence of them.
Egg cups and sieves were always just there in your mam’s kitchen. And now you have to go buy them?
3. You’ll become more interested in loyalty cards and point systems.
You used rip it out of your mam for producing money-off vouchers during her big shop, and now here you are tearing through your wallet for a receipt that says you’re entitled to a fiver off your shop.
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4. You’ll schedule your laundry according to your actual needs.
And not according to the number of loads your mam has to get through before Sunday.
5. You’ll realise that your parents did some amount of housework.
You’ve never seen anything like the dust that gathers on skirting boards which must mean someone was actually tending to them in your family home… on a regular basis.
6. You’ll treat the electric fire like your parents treated the interior light of the family car.
In other words, you’ll act like it’s illegal to turn it on.
7. You’ll spend a worrying amount of time squatting in front of various appliances.
Whether it’s the washing machine, the gas boiler or the freezer, there will come a time when you’ll dedicate an entire weekend to trying to fix the effing thing.
8. You’ll become obsessed with the eradication of mould.
Even the smallest hint of the stuff, and you’re on the blower, tracking down a bloke your dad knows who’s meant to be handy on that front.
9. You’ll get an extra kick out of a bargain.
Whether it’s a half-price mop or a two for one cereal, the adrenaline rush is akin to the moment you realised your parents had slept in on a school day.
10. You’ll find yourself wishing some items with Government-issued.
Toilet roll, toothpaste and razorblades among others.
11. You’ll discover a new-found appreciation for preventative fridge-restockers.
People who replace milk BEFORE it runs out are the real MVPs.
12. You’ll regularly wonder who washed the windows in your family home.
Because f*ck knows they were never as grimy as the ones you peer through every morning in order to check the weather.
13. You’ll suddenly start re-thinking questionable monthly bank debits.
The €6 you send to your adopted tiger every month starts to weigh heavily on your mind.
14. You’ll decide ironing is nowhere near as important as your mother made it out to be.
Your body heat will look after those creases, no bother.
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15. You’ll start sounding (and thinking) a little like your parents.
Muttering that you’re ‘constantly in the face of a pigsty’ will take you right back to a parental lecture.
16. There will come multiple moments when you will want to pack up and return to the bosom of your family home.
This will normally coincide with a headcold, hangover, overdue bill or empty fridge.
