IF YOU’RE IRISH and moving to Toronto, there are some important facts you should know. Like:
1. They sell milk in plastic bags over there
Yes, actual plastic bags. Of milk.
It’s extremely worrying that the whole city thinks that this is acceptable, but you deal with it.
2. You will realise what tipping in Toronto is like on your very first night out
They open a beer bottle for you? That’s an extra dollar.
You learn fast about the tipping etiquette, and soon you’re a pro. Getting a tab is usually the best option, instead of paying a tip per drink at the bar.
3. You will be an absolute tourist around Toronto for the first couple of weeks, and that’s OK
It doesn’t matter how much you try and fight it. You will end up hanging around the CN Tower, going to a baseball game for some unknown reason and wandering around Kensington Market doing nothing. Embrace it.
4. Tax gets added to things when you’re shopping, and it’s pretty much the worst
No price is as it seems.
When you see something for exactly two dollars and you have a two dollar coin, you think everything is going to be great.
No, that’ll be $2.25. Noooo.
5. Toronto apartments are nearly always bereft of furniture
Landlord: “Enjoy!”
You’ll be using makeshift furniture and quickly TTC-ing it to IKEA to stock up.
6. You’ll run into your fellow Irish fairly quickly, and you’ll spot them a mile off
The white legs and black socks. The GAA jerseys. The accent. You will know they’re Irish within four seconds of seeing them, and it’s strangely comforting.
7. And they will instantly pass on some cynical local Toronto knowledge when you get chatting
“Toronto is fair expensive.”
“It’s a struggle to find a gaff here.”
They’ll turn out to be great friends of yours, and you’ll love them for their positivity.
8. There are loads of Irish pubs in Toronto, but you’ll quickly sniff out the real ones
Most of them are questionably “Irish”, but some rare ones are legit and worth the trip if that’s your thing.
9. Buying drink in the off license is a riddle wrapped in an enigma
So, there is the Beer Store where you can just buy beer. Then there is the LCBO which serves everything else (and some beer too). There is no one stop shop. And they don’t serve drink in normal shops either.
Soon, you will develop a strategy and everything will be OK.
10. You will end up in Sneaky Dee’s early in your Toronto life
And marvel at the endless graffiti inside.
People will have told you about the nachos about 12 seconds after getting off the plane too.
11. Poutine is better than you would have dreamed
Yes, you’ve heard all the chat about it before you arrived – and it turns out that it’s wonderful.
It might very well be the perfect post night out snack. The chips, cheese curds and gravy has whatever you want lashed on there and it really does live up to the hype. If you go further north to Montreal, it gets even better.
12. You will make plans to go to the islands all the time, but rarely actually make it
“We should spend the whole of Saturday on the island!”
“We haven’t gone in three months and you keep suggesting it.”
But you should, because it’s probably one of the best things about the city.
13. The system of transfers on the streetcars and buses can be gamed for maximum distance travelled
That one little transfer ticket can get you places. You will learn their wicked ways fast.
14. Toronto’s summers can have baking humidity like you’ve never experienced
Massive city + humidity = clothes soaked with sweat. But you always have the beaches.
But the hot days are surely better than…
15. Toronto’s winters: Where good craic goes to die in a hail of sleet, snow and wind
When the cold weather kicks on into March and April, you might pine for the soggy rainfall of an Irish winter.
16. You will get public transport home from a night out and it will be a revelation
Those 24 hour streetcars and buses will become your friend. Nearly every Canadian gives out about the TTC, but it can be quite useful – especially when a taxi way out of downtown will cost about a month’s rent.
17. There are more Tim Hortons than you could have imagined
You knew Tim Hortons was a Canadian institution and all that, but you couldn’t foresee that there would be so many of the f***ers around the place. Toronto people also have an extreme love for “Timmy’s” – especially the weird little TimBits and other assorted sweet foods they serve.
18. And finally… Toronto street meat is surprisingly tasty
And it’s on EVERY corner. The carts might not look the most appetising, but you will be tempted eventually and it can be a delight.
Ah, Toronto – enjoy.
