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Bad Neighbours

Here's why Karl and Susan from Neighbours are the most problematic soap power couple

We need to stop romanticizing this woefully dysfunctional couple

KARL AND SUSAN. Susan and Karl. In a lot of ways, the Kennedys were the Kardashians of Ramsay Street, with the pair leading with a united front.

The family were introduced in 1994 in “an attempt to bring the show back to its family-orientated roots”. (We’ll come back to this).

Karl is the goofy and seemingly loveable doctor with dreams of being Australia’s answer to Bruce Springsteen.

(Also notably smashing gender roles with that pink glittery guitar).

Susan, meanwhile, is the principal of Erinsborough High.

She’s also previously moonlighted as a journalist, just FYI.

They’re often presented as one of the golden couples of soap operas, having overcome so much during the course of their onscreen marriage.

But enough is enough. Karl and Susan need to face up to the facts that too much has happened, and the idea that they can just “bounce back” is frankly absurd.

Honestly. They make Niamh and Paul from Fair City seem like #RelationshipGoals.

For starters, Karl made Susan and the rest of his family relocate after he was allegedly responsible for the death of one of his patients.

Yeah, ok, “everyone makes mistakes”, yadda yadda yadda. But a fictional person literally died. They had to restart their lives. Also, if they hadn’t moved, all the other things on this list probably wouldn’t have happened as a result.

Karl cheated on her with a terminally ill patient of his, as well as his receptionist – one of Susan’s friends.

Not only that, but he lied about the extent of their affair to Susan. Gobshite.

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… Then he went away and had a baby with someone else.

Have we established that Karl is extremely problematic? Because he is.

Can we please appreciate Susan’s face in this?

“I did not sign up for this bullshit.”

Karl also probably killed his daughter’s ex-boyfriend’s mother.

When Cheryl Stark is knocked down by a lorry, Karl tries to help her. He gives her painkillers, but Cheryl dies.

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Karl later realises that Cheryl may have been allergic to the drugs he gave her and thinking he caused Cheryl’s death.”

Karl stops practising medicine, but eventually goes back to work because of his enormously inflated ego.

Susan got amnesia and divorced Karl because she couldn’t remember him.

That’s next level ghosting right there.

After slipping on spilled milk (ok), Susan developed retrograde amnesia and essentially forgot 30 years of her life.

You’d think this would be the perfect opportunity to kick Karl to the kerb. BUT NO. After forcing him to get a divorce, she conveniently “falls back in love with him”, and they remarry.

He got his own back later on though, when they divorced again (!) after Karl fancied Izzy.

They’ve literally divorced and remarried countless times on the show – at one point, Neil Morrissey, aka Bob The Builder, marries them on a boat in the middle of the Thames in London.

Karl hid his drinking problem from Susan.

“Susan discovers Karl’s drinking problem when she finds he has drunk a whole bottle of wine and all the scotch.”

So, just me on a normal night out, huh? Am I right guys?!

Susan married a dying man and made Karl be the witness at their wedding.

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Karl only told Susan he loved her when he was dying.

During his time with Izzy, Karl goes away to the country for the weekend and he suffers a heart attack while changing a tyre on his car.

Karl believes he is dying and calls Susan to tell her he loves her.”

This comes, despite him still being with Izzy at the time.

They competed against each other for Citizen Of The Year.

The only saving grace of this plotline is that they both inevitably lost to Lou.

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Nothing but respect for my Citizen Of The Year.

Susan was constantly inviting random stray children to stay in the gaff for a while without consulting Karl.

They very clearly hate each other? Why will they not just let it go?

Susan didn’t support Karl when he wrote his erotic novel.

As Karl began garnering lots of attention for his book – written under the pseudonym E. M. Williams but when Susan has a difficult time coping with the attention it receives, Karl asks Lou to pretend to be E. M. Williams.

Bit selfish.

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When Karl got caught at customs trying to bring some seeds and a Durian back into Australia, he was stopped at customs because of the smell, which he blamed on Susan soiling herself.

We’ll leave it there so.

© Network Ten © Network Ten

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