IT’S THAT TIME of year, again. The time when we all set unrealistic goals for ourselves and set ourselves up for inevitable failure and disappointment.
We’re talking about New Year’s resolutions. This year, however, we’re suggesting we get a bit more realistic.
Forget about the same old ones people make and fail every year, and instead focus on cutting back on some of the annoying habits which make people’s lives a misery.
Instead of, I will spend less… I will get my wallet out before I reach the end of my transaction in the supermarket
Guys, we’re familiar with the shopping process at this stage, right? Let’s do each other a favour and get our money ready before we’re asked to.
Instead of, I will travel more… I will not queue unnecessarily for seated flights
If you have seats booked on a flight, there is really no point in queuing. You’ll find space for your bags, we promise! All the queuing does is create an unnecessary sense of panic around the whole experience.
Instead of, I will eat more healthily… I will stop eating apples in public
Sorry apple eaters, but the sound of this food being devoured is hard for a lot of people to take. Let’s help each other other here.
Instead of I will start bringing my lunches to work… I will stop microwaving smelly food in the office kitchen
Please. Please, stop.
Instead of, I will expand my vocabulary… I will stop saying amazeballs
Surely it’s time to move on now that TDs have started using the word in the Dail?
Instead of, I will be better at staying in touch… I will start texting people instead of leaving a voicemail
No one has time for voicemail these days. C’mon team, let’s just text each other instead.
Instead of, I will catch up on some of the TV I’ve missed… I will not complain unreasonably about spoilers
It’s hard these days. We’re all watching telly at our own pace. However, there’s a statute of limitation on this stuff. If it’s been weeks, and you will haven’t watched it, stop whining.
Instead of, I will walk to work… I will start considering other people while on public transport
Let’s start letting people off before we get on, standing up for people who need seats, refraining from spraying entire cans of Lynx on ourselves before getting onto a bus or train! We can do it! WE CAN MAKE A CHANGE!
Instead of, I will hang out with my friends more… I will stop checking my phone while in the presence of other people
Ok, if your phone rings, answer it. If you’re tweeting through lunch, you’ve got a problem.
Instead of, I will get in touch with some old friends… I will no longer stop for a chat in the middle of a narrow busy footpath or in the doorway of a shop
We’re better than this people!