IF YOU GREW UP Catholic, you probably ‘played Mass’ as a kid. It may seem weird now, but at the time? Sure it was the most fun you could have.
White chocolate buttons were not just sweets, but faux-Communion
THE BODY OF CHRIST. *eats seven*
And it was a MAJOR disappointment to discover that Communion wafer doesn’t taste like them
“I have been deceived!”
Crackers? An ideal stand-in for the big host
But bread was a very last resort
Ribena, of course, took the place of the wine
Extra-observant children may have learned the sequence of hand movements the priest uses to bless the wine. Those little details count.
If you were going the whole hog, you might throw a white sheet over a table for a makeshift altar
And don dressing gowns as your saintly robes
Quite a few fancy household items were pinched to make your altar more ‘realistic’
Your mam’s precious Waterford Crystal candle sticks thrust at the ‘altar servers’ (AKA your siblings) to hold solemnly.
You played it fast and loose with the actual content of the Mass
“I confess to almighty God and to you, my brothers and sisters… We lift up our hearts… AMEN.”
But made a good go of the hymns
You didn’t learn those Alive-O songs for nothing.
Your teddies and Barbies were married off with worrying regularity
They never even got time to get to know each other. These unions were doomed from the start.
And you probably became an altar server just to do it all in real life
*rings the bell with a flourish*
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