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poxes

8 of the poxiest people you'll find in Dublin, and how to deal with them

Aoife Dooley has some insights.

THERE ARE POXES everywhere you look.
Slang.ie describes a pox as:

A person who is a scourge on other people. A nuisance. An itch you may get after visiting monto.

Thankfully, comedian, illustrator and author Aoife Dooley has written an entire book about them. How to Deal with Poxes on a Daily Basis guides us through the worst of the worst in poxiness, and gives a comprehensive guide on getting them to feck off.

Case in points:

Bouncers

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We all know the type. Power tripping and refusing you into an empty club because you’ve had two Bacardi Breezers.

Aoife’s got the solution, don’t give them cause to reject you:

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People who check themselves into hospital

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The solution?

Start listing loads of exotic diseases and ailments they might have. That’ll shut them up.

Poxes who bitch behind your back

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The solution:

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Irish hipsters

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Yeah yeah, avocado toast, craft beer and coconut lattes. We get it.

How to deal with them:

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Smoke scabs

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Usually found in the Workman’s.

Aoife recommends you use the recession smoke tactic:

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People looking at your phone on the bus

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THE WORST. We know our Whatsapp group is lit, but can you stop?

The solution:

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Name droppers

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You know the one. They have to mention a celebrity at every turn.

How to deal with them?

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People who won’t stop going on about their kids

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How to deal with them?

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Literally everyone on the bus

Just obey these rules and we’ll all be grand.

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How to Deal with Poxes (On a Daily Basis) by Aoife Dooley is out now.

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