1. First of all, where do you even find shoes like this?
Is there a top secret sheux shop that us ladies don’t know about?
And who told you they were acceptable to wear with bootcut jeans?
2. Why do you insist on removing your shirt when it’s, like, 17 degrees outside?
It’s May and it’s the first sunny day of the year. Meaning you’re virtually guaranteed to see an Irish man knocking around with his shirt off as though he’s in Tenerife.
Get a grip, mate.
3. Why are you so averse to asking for directions?
“Will we just ask that man for directions?”
“Just keep going straight on, I have this sorted.”
“You said than an hour ago –”
“I have it sorted.”
4. Why do you include your height in your Tinder profile?
Do you think the fact that you’re 5’10 will be the thing that seals the deal? I mean, really.
5. What’s the deal with going for a sneaky wee in the middle of town?
Laneways, footpaths, against a wall — all unacceptable places to go for a wee.
Hold it in like the rest of us.
6. How is it that you always manage to get a farmer’s tan?
*Irish man steps outside for three minutes, comes back in with farmer’s tan*
We’re not complaining — we’re just impressed.
7. Is it really that hard to close your legs while on the Luas?
Correct us if we’re wrong, but we’re fairly sure that your penis isn’t so grotesquely large that it requires you to sit with your legs wide apart.
8. Why can’t you be open and honest about your love of trashy telly like First Dates?
Irish man at home: [happily watches First Dates/Don't Tell The Bride/Gogglebox]
Irish man when he’s with the lads: “First Dates? I don’t even know what that is. But how about that rugby, eh?”
Don’t shy away from it. Own it.
9. What’s up with just casually keeping your hand down your jocks while watching the telly?
10. Why do you insist on filling your Facebook/Twitter timeline with “AH BOLLOCKS” and “GET HIM OFF” while watching sports?
You do realise they make little or no sense out of context, right? It would be like us posting a status saying “Omg” and nothing else while watching First Dates.