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Dublin: 1 °C Monday 19 March, 2018

Fans of Goosebumps will remember the REAL Beast from the East

Reader beware! You’re in for a scare!

IF YOU HAD a childhood in the 1990s or early 2000s, then there’s a fair chance that when you heard the phrase ‘The Beast From The East’ that you felt a cold shiver run through you that had nothing to do with the oncoming snow.

The reason?

This terrifying Goosebumps book!

Source: Scholastic Corporation

‘The Beast From the East’ was the stuff of nightmares.

Remember Ginger and her ludicrously named twin brothers, Nat and Pat?

Well I do! I remember the absolute stress of Ginger and Goosebump’s answer to Jedward being lost in an evil woods where every plant and tree wanted to kill them, ON TOP of them being tricked into playing a ‘Game of Death’ tip-tig with some forby-gorilla hybrid that could talk.

And this game, I might add, that had so many confusing, elaborate and unfair rules that it was like the equivalent of playing a game of King’s Cup with sadistic 4 year olds.

*NB Neither I, nor any writer, play King’s Cup with 4 year olds or encourage you do so*

Needless to say, that for Ginger and her brothers, the book did not end with them nibbling on some dunkaroos and settling down for an afternoon of quiet Gameboy time as they debated which of the twins was more like Mary-Kate and which was more Ashley.

No, the last page of the book did not bode well for Ginger and the twins, and was simply a regular Goosebumps ending that would cause any 9 year old child, who had invested in the wellbeing of the characters, to have a panic attack.

Just. Like every. single. goddamn. Goosebumps. book!

But Goosebumps books were the iPhones of their day. Most definitely bad for your mental health and ability to get to sleep, but they had you addicted and craving for more.

Any library worth its salt was stocked up to the brim with these creepy-ass books, that had you checking under the kitchen for your suspicious sponges…

Source: Scholastic Corporation

and made you VERY distrustful of ventriloquists after Slappy the Dummy (what a name!) popped up a whole seven times in the series to freak us out.

Source: Scholastic Corporation

Remember when Slappy even spawned a satantic son?

Seriously, R. L. Stine, did you want kids never to sleep again?

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