SAY YES TO The Dress may be ‘trash TV’ but it’s beautiful trash, goddammit.
1. You probably went into your first viewing feeling all superior
“What is this stupid show? Weddings are just not that important anymore. This offends me, as a woman.”
*30 minutes later*
“If she doesn’t go for the lace Pnina Tornai I am just giving up.”
2. Soon after, it became your favourite comfort programme
It’s always on. It’s always the same. It’s a safe, white satin cocoon.
3. And the consultants are like your friends
Randy! Camille! Monte! Lori! All the lads <3
4. Now you act like you know each bride-to-be personally
“I just know by her face that the first dress is the one. If only the mother would shut up.”
5. And roll your eyes every time one produces cowboy boots
At first you couldn’t quite believe what you were seeing. And now you’re like, “Aw, that’s cute. She thinks she’s being original.”
6. You’re always secretly hoping for drama
Maybe not ‘this bridesmaid is getting kicked out of the wedding’ drama every time, but ‘this cousin is going to start sh*t over a dress’ is always welcome.
And oh the many times you have howled “IT’S NOT YOUR F**KING WEDDING!” at the screen!
7. Or a juicy bridal backstory
Like a woman who bought her dress, called off her wedding, put it in storage at Kleinfeld, then came back for it four years later when she got engaged again. That kind of stuff.
8. Or a ‘no budget’ bride
THOSE WOMEN. Even the consultants get excited, and they’ve seen it all.
9. You are now familiar with every single bit of wedding dress jargon
You have opinions on lace now. And you despair when brides-to-be fail to wear underwear that would fit with the dress.
10. And you marvel at the consultants’ ability to find a dress that fits the most ridiculous criteria
“I want to be sexy and strapless but also covered up as I am getting married in a church and my family is very conservative but the reception is in a barn so I want it to look country but still very elegant and also lots of bling.”
11. You have wept at it. Wept
The family start bawling when they see her in the Yes dress and you feel tears prickling in your own eyes. Sometimes you give in to those tears.
12. And you would 100% visit Kleinfeld if ever in New York, just to see
Maybe you already have. And picked up a tiny bottle of water meant for the actual brides. Who’s to say.
