SHAKIRA’S ‘WHENEVER, WHEREVER’ has been a staple on any good pop playlist since its release in 2001.
However, 2001 was a very long time ago and the video for the pan-piping pop single has not aged particularly well.
Let’s start at the beginning:
Shakira emerges from the water like Marge in The Simpsons where she is starring in ‘A Streetcar Named Desire’ alongside Flanders. In fact both the resemblance and the wailing are uncanny
Following on from this grand entrance, Shakira and her truth-telling hips immediately begin their hypnotic trance which sparked the rumours that she had some ribs removed to allow her to belly dance like that
She does this as the sea rages around her, presumably angry at her declaration ‘We’re meant to be together, I’ll be there and you’ll be near’ which of courses, makes little to no sense.
Next we move to a desert area where Shakira declares her famous ‘Lucky that my breasts are small and humble, so you don’t confuse them with mountains’
It’s very helpful when said mountains are tiny specs in that early noughties CGI background thus backing up your statement.
Second chorus and suddenly our dear Shakira is catapulted into the middle of rampaging horses which is both inexplicable and incredibly dangerous
I mean I’m from Kildare and I’ve still never done that.
As we head to the final chorus Shakira is suddenly rolling around in mud which will never come out of those jeans
Why is she in mud? It’s like a scene from the Sunday of Body & Soul without the rain and glitter.
Following on from this, in a scene similar to Inception, the dirt behind her suddenly begins to explode which threatens to cover an oddly clean Shakira
Before we can adjust to that we’re transported to a mountain, a top which Shakira is belly dancing like there’s no tomorrow.
Finally, in a dramatic conclusion, Shakira swan dives, Olympic-style, off the mountain back into the sea from which she emerged thus completing the cycle
I’m not entirely sure of Columbia’s pedigree in Olympic diving but I feel like Shakira could make a good go of it based off this.
It’s only 3 minutes long but intensity, the dramatic changes in landscape and above all the panpipes are incredible.
Long live Shakira.
