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cram it up

The 14 stages of last-minute exam cramming

Look at your notes. Drink coffee. Panic. Repeat.

FOR COLLEGE STUDENTS, the last-minute cram is a rite of passage.

Once you’ve done one, you tell yourself you’ll never do it again. (Until the next exam.)

9am, the morning before: Denial

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Twenty-four hours is loads of time to revise four months of notes. Loads. Of. Time.

10am: More denial

There can’t be that much to go over. Let’s have a look at these notes…

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11am: The shocking realisation

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Oh good god. There is so much to do. THERE IS SO MUCH TO DO.

12pm: Preparation

But first, you have to get food in. Tea, crisps, rolls, chocolate, energy drinks. Brain food, y’know?

12.30pm: Consultation

Now it’s time to harangue the poor souls in your class Facebook group.

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“Do you think this will be on the exam? Do you though? TELL ME.”

1pm: Bargaining

For every one hour of study, you get ten minutes of fun internet! That should work.

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2pm. Procrastination

For every one hour of fun internet, you got ten minutes of study. Oops.

4pm: Victory (very small victory)

You revised for two hours without any distractions! You’re a winner! You can do anything!

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6pm: Mental exhaustion

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Learning is hard, yo. There must be something that can keep a hard-working student alert…

8pm: Coffee addiction

Why didn’t you think of this before? This is great! Every nerve in your body is ready to LEARN.

hook it to

10pm: Coffee intervention

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When you reach the end of the tin of Kenco, it’s time to have a good hard look at yourself.

12am: Physical exhaustion

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Your bed is looking very inviting right now. Perhaps just a little nap… NO. MORE STUDYING.

2am: Crash and burn

Marketing is the study of life and living organisms. No. That doesn’t sound right. Marketing is…

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3am: Admission of defeat

Your brain can’t take any more. The exam has won. Best get to bed, set five alarms, and pray for any guidance you can get.

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