Day 1:
- Wake up and feel really bloated for some reason. Like you’ve eaten three loaves of bread and a full block of cheese the night before.
- Have an emotional crisis while trying to button your jeans and decide that you’re definitely putting on weight.
- Identify a little too much with the lady in that Senokot ad carrying around an actual bag of dirt.
- Spend whole day feeling pissed off that pyjama bottoms are “inappropriate” for the workplace and daydreaming about wearing something with a stretchy waistband.
Day 2:
- A black cloud has descended. Everything is stupid and you’re not in the mood for people.
- WHY IS THE BLOODY SIEVE IN THE PRESS WITH THE CUPS? WE KEEP THE SIEVE UNDER THE SINK AND HAVE DONE FOR TWO YEARS. WHAT IS ACTUALLY WRONG WITH YOU?
- OH, DON’T INDICATE WHATEVER YOU DO, MORON. *furiously beeps*
- WHY IS THE WORLD TESTING MY PATIENCE LIKE THIS?
Day 3:
- Yesterday’s irritation has today blossomed into a full-blown existential crisis. What’s the point of anything? Everything is hopeless.
- Oh great, now I am weeping openly at a Permanent TSB ad. What the hell is wrong with me?
- Time to take to the bed and have a cry to Tracy Chapman.
- “SO REMEMBER WHEN WE WERE DRIVING, DRIVING IN YOUR CAR?” *gentle, defiant sobbing*
Day 4:
- Oh good, I have a spot that resembles an Icelandic geyser on my chin.
- Aaaaaand no amount of make-up is going to hide it. What a thrill it is to be a woman ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
- *starts to tear up because nothing is going your way* Would it be weird to take a sick day over a spot?
- Get a goddamn hold of yourself, woman. Christ almighty.
Day 5:
- Wake up and feel like your uterus is stabbing you.
- Suddenly you start to piece everything together. The bad mood… the feeling of hopelessness… the weight gain… the hideous pimple…
- It’s just my period!!! Oh my God, thank God. I thought I was losing my mind.
- How do I forget this every month, lol
