BEING SUPERSTITIOUS IS little to no fun.
In fact, it’s no fun, whtsoever.
Not only do you feel compelled to adhere to questionable rules day in and day out, but you are also forced to justify these little rituals when challenged by anyone who would rather die than salute a lone magpie in public.
And the worst part?
Well, you’re pretty certain you wouldn’t have a litany of random rules in your head if you hadn’t been reared in a house that acted like the universe was out to get you at every damn turn.
And here, people, are just 12 things you’ll know all too well if you followed in your family’s crazy footsteps.
1. You do not, under any circumstances, place new shoes on a table.
You’ve likely lost count of the number of times your brand-new kicks were skited off the kitchen table for fear Lady Luck would stick you on her hitlist.
2. You count to ten before dropping letters in a postbox.
And if they didn’t arrive safely to their destination on the occasions you flouted this rule, you only had yourself to blame.
3. You’ve found yourself cringing at people who think it’s OK to knock on their head, instead of wood.
Good luck with the years of misfortune, dumbass.
4. You saluted lone magpies from a very young age and encouraged other toddlers to do the same.
And if you spotted two together, you knew you had a good story for your family later that day.
5. You have legitimately put your life in danger in order to avoid walking under a ladder.
Potential fate-related disturbance over genuine fatality? You’ve chosen the latter more times than you care to remember.
6. You genuinely fear the moment a person might actually put an umbrella up indoors.
It’s like they’re trying to send you into cardiac arrest. And the people who joke about it? Yeah, they’re not funny.
7. You’ve held your breath in terror when you’ve dropped anything containing a mirror.
Christ, there have been times when you’d rather have said goodbye to the makeup within, than shatter the glass that surrounded it.
8. You’ve watched family members attempt to negotiate themselves out of rooms, seats and rows numbered 13.
And you’ve been secretly relieved.
9. You’ve found yourself passing superstitions on to younger family members.
And felt vaguely guilty about it.
10. You have, over time, made notes of dates, places and pieces of clothing that have brought you luck.
And hell, you’re not going to start tempting fate by forgetting them either.
11. You have spent a worrying amount of time listing your superstitions to genuinely curious people.
And then become concerned about how bat-sh*t crazy you sound.
12. You have had genuine arguments over the right way to ward off bad luck.
Your mother has long since insisted you’re a little heavy-handed with the amount of salt you fling over your shoulder, and you’ve long since insisted you wouldn’t be flinging salt over your should if it wasn’t for her lunacy.