IF YOU CAME of age in the late 90s or early noughties, you’ll know that your devotion to British teen mags couldn’t be rivalled.
Publications aimed at teens were few and far between in Ireland, so we were forced to turn to the folk across the water for all our personal and pop-culture needs.
And yes, this meant we didn’t often understand the terminology used – parp, anyone?- but aside from that, we couldn’t fault their commitment to the teen cause.
And here are just a few reasons we prioritised our pocket money in favour of the likes of Shout, J-17, Bliss and More.
1. The problem pages
Christ, talk about putting stuff in perspective. If you thought your problems were bad, they had nothing on Christine’s from Coventry.
Sure, you had made a holy show of yourself in Biology last week and were contemplating emigrating and starting a new life under a false name, but Christine was out here fancying her mum’s new boyfriend. So, you know, swings and roundabouts.
2. The flow charts
If you needed to know what perfume would work best when attempting to beguile the lad in your Irish history class, you needed look no further than a handy flow chart.
Unlike other quizzes, you didn’t need a pen, a paper and a mathematical brain to rival Einstein’s, you just followed the oul arrows and then splashed out on some Charlie perfume at the earliest opportunity.
Alexis Murphy / Twitter
Alexis Murphy / Twitter / Twitter
3. The freebies
Nowadays, we know content is king, but back then our loyalties often lay with the publication which provided the best freebie.
There wasn’t a hope in hell we’d be splashing our cash on a mag offering a paltry stickerbook when its competitor was giving away a sparkly lip gloss.
And sure, it might give you a rash and you knew you hadn’t a chance of wearing it in school, but you had to pick your battles.
4. The TV pages
While you couldn’t bring yourself to show any interest in your parent’s copy of the RTÉ Guide, you pored over the TV page in your own magazine of choice.
Instead of just a cursory line detailing the night’s events on Home and Away and Hollyoaks, entire paragraphs were devoted to the carry-on in the Chester suburbs.
And you couldn’t get enough.
5. The lyric pages
Yes, there would come a moment when you realised you’d been singing the wrong words up until this point, but that’s why the lyric pages were so vital.
And if you’d yet to get your hands on the CD all your mates had, at least you were up to scratch whenever they let you borrow it.
6. The boyband trivia
You loved a good list, and nothing gave you greater pleasure than one devoted to pointless information about your favourite boyband.
Knowing a random fact about Abs from 5ive was the surefire way to impress your mates who had foolishly opted for the magazine with the scaldy stickerbook that week.
7. The sex/ dating / relationship advice
There you were devouring information on sex when you were still waiting to get your first shift.
You had no business reading up on the sex position of the month, but sure Jaysus you weren’t going to find out anywhere else.
8. The real-life stories
Every week you were faced with stories so surreal, you couldn’t help but appreciate the mudanity of your own teenage life.
From phantom pregnancies to sibling hatred, these people didn’t hold back, and you were only mad for it.
