IT’S FATHER’S DAY, so let’s celebrate all the things they love the most.
Things like…
Chops
Lamb. Pork. Can’t beat a decent chop.
WD-40
The magic elixir that can fix anything. A wonky bike chain, a squeaky press door, cuts and scrapes; just lash on a bit of WD-40.
Slipping you a tenner
A textbook Dad move. Often accompanied by “don’t tell your mother”.
Cutting the grass
Bonus dad points if he owns a strimmer.
Planning when to cut the grass in the future
Furiously looking at windows, pondering on the possibility of rain.
A particular newsreader or weather person
Like Jean Byrne up there. Or Eileen Dunne.
AC/DC
Or Dire Straits. And a bit of Phil Collins. And not forgetting Christy Moore.
Teaching people to drive in fields
Nothing says “find the biting point” like doing figures of eight around hay bales.
A good set of screwdrivers
With both a flathead and a Phillips head, please.
Swarfega
Essential for taking the dirt (and the skin) off your hands.
The Hunt For Red October and The Shawshank Redemption
See also: anything starrring Gene Hackman.
Stew
Cooking it, eating it, talking about it…
Pretending to hate the bloody cat
But spending 7 hours looking for it when it goes missing.
That aisle in Lidl or Aldi that sells the car jacks/leaf blowers/ski suits/inflatable DVD holders/compost
Bloody terrible jokes
https://vine.co/v/eqqEw1xB5vX
Saying that people ‘look well’ or are “looking well”
Miriam O’Callaghan or Niall Quinn’s wife Gillian are examples of people who might be “looking well”.
A decent phone cover
Preferably leather. Preferably with the capability to be attached to a belt.
Taping things
“Tape that for me there”.
A good solid shoe
You know the ones. Kind of half boat shoe at the top and decent walking shoe at the bottom.
Talking about how good the picture is on the telly
And woe betide anyone who says they can’t tell the difference between HD and regular telly.
