LIFE ISN’T ALL sunshine and lollipops. Oh no. In fact, there are sections of it which are downright sinister.
The worst of these pockets of darkness are well-hidden too. They seem harmless, like simple everyday items or occurrences, but really you know that they are out to get you.
Like these, for example.
The printer
It never works when you really need it to.
Public transport
It taunts you with RTPI, telling you it’ll be there soon. And then it doesn’t arrive.
That bill
You know the one. The one that comes out of your account at exactly the worst moment.
Your phone battery
Bound to die just when you need it most.
That level of candy crush
It’s intentionally driving you crazy.
Your desk chair
It waits for you to be in a bad humour, then tangles itself up in a cord.
The air conditioning in your office
Determined to give you a new cold every two weeks.
Your alarm
It waits until you’re in your deepest sleep to go off. You know it does.
Traffic lights
They know when you’re really in a hurry and then they work against you at every opportunity.
This unseasonably warm weather
Ensuring you arrive a sweaty mess at every important appointment you have this Autumn.
The shower curtain
Always sticking to you with it’s cold clammy surface.
Paving slabs with water underneath them
Watching. Waiting.
Hair bobbins
They hide from you in every nook and cranny and then snap on you when you manage to find them.
Missed phone calls from blocked numbers
They’ll play on your mind for days.
