HOPEFULLY AFTER TOMORROW there’ll be considerably less Royal Wedding chit-chat going on. But until then, it feels as if it’s almost impossible to avoid.
It’s the focus of every daytime talk-show and there’s plenty of people draped in Union Jacks on every news channel. You’d think you would be safe watching First Dates, but no. Last night’s episode featured an actual butler. Yes, butlers are still a thing, apparently.
But no, he did not look like the terrifying butler from Tomb Raider that we all used to lock in the fridge.
60-year-old Kit showed up to his date in a kilt and immediately had the maître d’ in stitches.
Fred greeted Kit and immediately asked *that* question.
Is it true what they say about people who wear kilts?
To which Kit firmly replied “Yes. But don’t worry. I’m not going to do a handstand.”
Kit began to talk a little bit about his training as a butler. When he first began training, they spent the entire first day teaching him how to open a front door. Kit named some of the royal family members he met – the queen mother, Princess Margaret and even Princess Diana.
Of all of the daters on First Dates, Kit had a very strange stipulation for whoever he was set up with:
He has to love this country and what we stand for. I will not hear a word against the royal family.
Somehow, they managed to find just the man.
56-year-old Andrew did plenty of charity work, which allowed him to meet the Queen, Princess Diana (a number of times), as well as Prince Charles.
He told the producers:
I don’t really have a type of man that I’m looking for, physically. But, it would be nice to go out with somebody who also approved of the royal family.
Kit immediately began to tell a story about how he lived near Kensington in the 1970s and would sunbathe naked on the roof of his house. Princess Margaret’s helicopter would fly above, and eventually he got a letter from the palace that said something along the lines of:
Her Royal Highness doesn’t give a fig, but sometimes she has to entertain important guests and they may be upset.
Kit later moved on from telling jokes to talking about himself. He revealed to Andrew that this was his first ever date, and he had been single for 37 years.
I had one relationship when I was 17. A marvelous man called Gordon. He’s the only relationship I ever had. I just took one look at him and I swear, on the spot, fell in love. And he seduced me that night over a slice of treacle tart. I still can’t look at a treacle tart in the same way.
Unfortunately, Gordon was diagnosed with cancer two years after he met Kit, and died six months later. Viewers found this pretty emotional.
At the end of the date, things didn’t work out between Kit and Andrew, as both of the men agreed that they had not felt a ‘spark’.
Next up, the show featured a woman who has been working as a Kate Middleton lookalike for the last nine years.
It’s nice being treated like a princess, someone’s there doing your hair, someone’s there doing your makeup, someone’s there getting your outfits. You’re getting put up in all of these nice hotels and the next day you go back to your office job and your boss is like “Can you make me a tea?”
Her date was pretty impressed.
You look hot!
The waiter later came over and said that he was getting a bit of a William vibe from this guy, who immediately was like “Hold on. Wait. I’ve a full head of hair.” These two got on pretty well, and agreed on a second date at The Ritz.
When they got into their cab at the end of the night, the driver said:
For a minute, I thought you was Kate Middleton.
