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Crimes Against Humanity

Vogue says biker shorts are cool wear to the club and we say no they are not

This is not fashion, darling.

SO APPARENTLY BIKE shorts are a ‘thing’ that can be worn when you go out…

For a while now we’ve seen celebs like Kim Kardashian West and Emily Ratajkowski wear them out and about as they run daily errands (read call up the paps and tell them which car park to photograph them in).

But since Bella Hadid wore them last week, Vogue has officially thrown its weight behind the frankly horrifying fashion trend.

Google Google

Unless they’re talking about a cycling club, this article headline is lost on us.

This is all Bella Hadid’s fault.

Bella wore a silver pair on a night out at the Cannes Film Festival, the epicenter of the fashion world during May, pairing them with a crop top, heels and some Bulgari diamonds that looked more expensive than any house I could afford to live in.

The overall effect was… well, here look, the thing is, Bella is a supermodel and showed us just how powerful her supermodel superpowers were cause she somehow looked okay. Bella has proven that she can throw on a pair of shorts that you usually only see on middle-aged dads on sundays, drape herself in diamonds, and still look pulled together.

If us mere mortals turned up to coppers wearing this we would 100% get refused at the door.

It really is only a look Bella could hope to pull off.

But Vogue are insistent that bike shorts are:

a fresh, tomboyish alternative to the typical slinky party dress.

Yeah, but no.I’m not buying that.

A pair of flowy palazzo pants are a great alternative to wearing a tight party dress. A pair of tight, figure hugging bike shorts that ride up your vajajay is not a fresh alternative to a tight party dress.

The mismatching of opposites in style is always interesting. A chunky jumper with a flowing midi skirt. A crisp white shirt with a pair of jeans. Long coats with short dress/skirt hems.

But biker shorts in the club with heels? This is not guna be a look that ages well.

Let’s all get behind Megan McArdle for president, or at least Vogue Editor. She has some fresh alternative ideas.

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