IF YOU GET paid monthly chances are you can’t remember the last time some delicious cash trickled into your account.
You probably to have a faint memory of thinking that your boss was really sound paying you a week early in December, so that you’d have plenty of precious European dollars for Christmas.
Doesn’t seem like such a good idea now though, does it?
Here are the signs that payday can’t come soon enough…
1. Your lunches are creative interpretations of whatever’s languishing in your presses
Oxtail Cup-A-Soup with a side of tinned lentils and some questionable cream crackers anyone?
2. Your dinners, meanwhile, are salvaged from whatever’s at the back of the freezer
3. You’ve got serious cabin fever
If questioned, you can list who’s been on the Late Late, The Graham Norton Show and Jonathan Ross for the past three weeks, without hesitation.
4. You’ve turned around and gone back home to get a plastic bag, rather than pay for one in Lidl
Tesco and Marks and Spencer (aka the Holy Grail of food shopping) are but a pipe dream at this stage.
5. You’ve made more trips than usual home to see The Mammy
And you’ve left clutching sausages, bread and two rolls of toilet roll under your oxter.
6. You’ve started trying to outdo your friends in terms of brokeness
I’m €300 into my overdraft.
Oh, I’m way past that. I only have €4 to my name for the next 17 days.
7. You’ve thought about selling some of your stuff
8. You’ve considered drinking that bottle of mystery alcohol someone brought back from holidays
9. You’ve been having ridiculous swag dreams about what you’re going to do with all that money.
You’re gonna…. go to the cinema and not smuggle in your own Maltesers and popcorn.
You’re gonna… stop adding water to that bottle of Fairy Liquid, and buy a new one instead.
You’re gonna… pay to go to the doctor about that worrying rash.
You’re gonna… buy toilet roll that’s higher than one ply.
10. You’ve been frantically ringing service providers to chance your arm on reductions on your TV/Internet/phone packages
Someone you know knows someone’s sister’s boyfriend’s cousin who, like, gets their telly for free after ringing up.
11. Home improvements have taken a back seat
12. You’re already dreading checking your bank balance the day after payday
You’ve been riding Mr Overdraft’s coattails and playing Chase the Laser, haven’t you?
That happy, rich feeling will be lovely, but fleeting.
13. You’ve been having direct debit nightmares
Just think of all those evil bills waiting to suck your bank account dry the second the delicious cash flows into it.
Remember that phone insurance payment you’d forgotten about? That Spotify membership that once seemed like such a good idea?
14. You’ve allowed yourself to get reckless
Sure feck it, we’ll go out for a drink. No, come on, we will, sure it’s nearly payday.
SHOTS FOR EVERYONE! I’LL PUT IT ON MY CARD!