1. Akon
The strangest thing about this is the fact that it came out in 2010.
Akon decided to name his two fragrances after his 2006 album Konvict. He also got pretty creative with the packaging, which comprises of two 50ml bottles that are chained together. Surely that’s a major inconvenience.
2. Danielle Steel
Yes, Danielle Steel as in the romance novelist.
Danielle Steel has churned out 165 books in her life, and apparently got a little bit bored of doing that during the mid 2000s when she released Danielle for Women. If ever you’ve thought “Oh, I’d like to smell like the woman who wrote the books Toxic Bachelors and The Klone and I: A High Tech Love Story, it’s your lucky day.
3. KISS
Yeah, the band.
The reviews of this on Fragrantica are extremely bizzare, with many people agreeing that the masculine verse of the fragrance smells like sweat:
Bottled essence of sweaty rockstar. It’s a 360 degree concert experience – smoke, armpit, leather, along with an intoxicating powdery, deeply feminine smell. It makes me feel like a groupie. So, so sexy. On top of that, it does. not. quit.
There’s another review, which is even weirder:
I agree, it does have a fresh sweat note. And yes, it even smells a bit of post-sport-man-crotch. BUT it is NOT an unclean body odour smell.
Other people did not even try to be optimistic about this scent:
My dad is a huge KISS fan, and we bought this for him for Christmas as a joke one year (he doesn’t like fragrances). Well, the joke was on us because he wore it to church for the next two months. One spray of this is suffocating when you’re trapped in a car with the person wearing it.
4. Cher Lloyd
Ah. Cher Lloyd. A forgotten X Factor contestant immortalised only by that video of two little girls saying “I’m gonna sing Cher Lloyd by Cher Lloyd”, before their mother barges in screaming “Why does somebody not know how to flush a toilet after they’d had their shit? Well it was F**KIN ONE OF YAS. DESGUSTING!”
Aside from that cinematic masterpiece, her legacy also includes this perfume.
After watching a Youtube review of this perfume made in 2013, I have learned that this was a dupe of Britney Spears Fantasy and retailed at £6. Do we think Cher Lloyd wore her own £6 perfume? Probably not. The woman who reviewed this bottle on Youtube recommended it for children. People under the age of 12. At least it’s within a 10 year old child’s budget.
5. Antonio Banderas
He’s been at it for about 20 years.
Now, we’re sure Antonio Banderas is a nice guy and all, but he’s not one of those household names you’d expect to release a perfume, like Beyoncé or David Beckham. His first fragrance, DIAVOLO, came out in 1998, just after he starred in The Mask of Zorro.
Three years later, he brought out MEDITERRÁNEO and starred in Spy Kids in the same year. This is what the Spy Kids smelled while they were working with him. Fragrance number three, SPIRIT, came out in 2003. Banderas was working on Broadway at the time. Following Antonio’s success in the role of Puss in Boots in Shrek, he released SPIRIT for Women.
We won’t give you an entire timeline of which films Banderas was working on as he released each fragrance, but in total, he has managed to bring out 14 different perfumes.
6. Bruce Willis
You’d think Bruce Willis is one of those people who is *too* famous to release a fragrance. You know, those people whose brand would only be cheapened by creating merchandise. But Bruce Willis went there, with his fragrance for smart guys.
Here’s an advertisement for it, which thanks to the flames, really resembles an ad for a Burger King Whopper.
By the looks of things, this advertisement did not run in countries where English was the native language. Don’t be put off by the marketing though, because this fragrance has some very positive reviews, with some people even comparing it to Terre d’Hermes which starts at €70 for a 50ml.
After two bottles of this fragrance I can say it is a great perfume and it lasts 10+ hours easily! The scent generates tons of compliments… Even men compliment me for the scent.
Definitely beats the reviews for the KISS fragrance.
7. Alan Cumming
Go on. Have a guess what Alan Cumming’s fragrance is called.
Yes. It’s called ‘Cumming: For Men’. You have no idea what I just went through trying to get a photograph of his cologne online. You don’t even want to know. First, let’s have a look at the advertisement for this fragrance. It’s a little bit NSFW. It’s like a Limmy video. In every single way.
Now, let’s have a look at some reviews from Fragrantica:
I am in love with Cumming. When I first applied it, I was shocked. It kind of smelled like a towel that had been used one too many times.
Christ. Another person described it as:
Tires burning in dirt.
However, it’s clear from the reviews that this fragrance also has a lot of loyal fans. Most of which like it because it smells like if you went out and got drunk in a forest.
A truly unique fragrance that smells like leather, scotch and wet, muddy earth. I don’t know how to explain this, but the smell on my skin was like if I had been playing out in the mud drinking a glass of scotch.
