Pic: YouTube
SO HOW’S THE Christmas season going for you so far?
Are you feeling… almost too festive?
Well, fear not. These songs will leach the Christmas spirit from your body until all you can think about is January.
How many can you get through before you cancel the turkey?
1. The Spice Girls – Sleigh Ride
YouTube/spiceboy2009
Starting it off easy with the ladies’ tuneless rendition of this classic. Bonus points if you can avoid cringing during the painful “banter” at the beginning.
2. Dustin the Turkey and Dervla Kirwan – Fairytale of New York
YouTube/daibhymac
File under ‘Things which did not need to happen’.
3. New Kids On The Block – Funky Funky Christmas
YouTube/Stephanie S
Starting to ramp up the pressure now. We’re guessing the first beads of sweat are appearing on your clammy forehead.
Anyway, remember when hip-hop was the new thing and everybody wanted in on it, no matter how lame their rhymes? This is like that – but CHRISTMASSY.
4. Lou Monte – Dominick The Donkey
YouTube/happypenskip
Not only is this song excruciating, but it makes no sense. WHY IS HE ITALIAN?
5. Crazy Frog – Last Christmas
YouTube/CrazyFrogVEVO
I have it on good authority that this has been used to extract important security information from whimpering prisoners.
6. Newsong – The Christmas Shoes
YouTube/NewSongVEVO
Are you ready to be crushed by the fist of sentimentality until emotion drips bitterly from your pores? No? Well, tough.
More than halfway there now, guys. How are we holding up? Do we need a lie down? NO LYING DOWN.
7. Mr Blobby – Christmas In Blobbyland
YouTube/sydcowley
Warning: Imagining Noel Edmonds’ smirk while listening will only make it worse.
8. Melissa Lynn – All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth
YouTube/videeoh
There’s no use pleading for death. Death will not help you now. We’ve another three songs to go.
9. Justin Bieber – Mistletoe
YouTube/JustinBieberVEVO
“I don’t want to miss another holiday / But I can’t stop staring at your face.” Justin, stop staring at my face.
10. Alvin and the Chipmunks – Christmas Song
YouTube/BrotherMovie
Do I hear you moaning softly, unaware of anything except your own excruciating agony? Or is that just the dulcet tones of Alvin and the Chipmunks? It’s so hard to tell. *steeples fingers*
11. Michael Bublé – Santa Baby (‘Santa Buddy’)
YouTube/73525637
*Dies*
