LUNCHTIME, IT’S THE best. Unless you’re unfortunate enough to run into one of this lot, insistent on ruining that sweet deli deliciousness for you.
1. The co-worker with a better lunch
You always bring your sambos wrapped up and they always have a three-course meal from some notiony sushi take-away around the corner.
Fancy feckers.
Even their chicken sandwiches look nicer than yours.
2. The kitchen chatter
You go in to heat up your tub of soup and Tom from accounts is there just dying for the chats about his intricate numbers. Grrreat.
The alternative, ‘awkward standing around playing with your fork’, is much more desirable.
3. The co-dependent
Dare to be nice and offer to pick something up, you’ll spend your whole lunch popping around shops for everyone else. In the end, it wasn’t even the RIGHT ROLL.
4. The gross deli orderer
We all know this animal from the deli queue, the one that has to state the bread first so they can take their time adding manky gooey stuff to make the most abominable of creations. And you? You have to stand there watching it, in vacant disbelief, until you’re up, and suddenly not so hungry any more.
Tuna, coleslaw, mayo… egg mayo? Hurl. Not a bother on them.
5. The card user
Liam Neeson is a card user, we’d say. Wherever you are, he’ll find you. Not only that, but he’ll be in the queue ahead of you. The card user is fine until we’re in a shop that has a minimum spend. First comes the argument, then the resigned dash around the shop to pick up and extra few bits and pieces while you stand there staring at your watch. Thanks.
6. The late co-luncher
This inconsiderate pal strolls from their office or sofa to meet you for lunch, 20 minutes after they said they would. Now you have to shove your food down your throat and head back, or risk getting a ‘look’ from your boss. Why is life so hard?
7. The smelly eater
These rare cretins think it’s perfectly OK to microwave fish mere steps away from your desk or in the communal staff room. We’re willing to let it go if they keep it in distances afar, but bring it back to your desk and we’re done, both professionally and otherwise.
It’s not right, it’s not OK.
8. The jogger
Those who loudly exclaim that they’re off for a run or to the gym during their lunch break are the crowned winners of ‘the WORST’.
It’s not that we don’t secretly admire you, we just really can’t deal with your sprightliness while we stuff a loaded chicken roll down our gob.
9. The judger
You, if you have come across the gross deli orderer. The judger asks what you’re eating then loudly exclaims EWWW if they don’t approve.
Perfectly acceptable if they do have a genuine monstrosity, though.
