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18 of the most ridiculous song lyrics of all time

We have let The Black Eyed Peas get away with far, far too much.

SOMETIMES WHEN LISTENING to a song for the first time, you hear a lyric that is so bad that you are physically stunned. You can’t help but actually make ‘the blinking man meme’ expression.

blinking man meme Source: Giphy

Below, we have rounded up some of the most terrible “Did I really just hear that?” lyrics of all time.

1. Eminem – Love The Way You Lie 

Southpaw Premiere - New York Source: EMPICS Entertainment

“Now you get to watch her leave out the window/
Guess that’s why they call it window pane”

I am absolutely CERTAIN that is not the etymology of the word window pane. People in emotional pain definitely do not exit through windows often enough for the glass inside windows to be named after it.

2. Ke$ha ft. 3OH!3 – Blah Blah Blah

zip your lip

Zip your lips like a padlock

While this song perfectly encapsulates how weird pop music was in 2010, it also makes it very clear that Ke$ha had no idea how to operate a padlock.

3. Black Eyed Peas – Boom Boom Pow

iHeartRadio Music Festival - Las Vegas Source: AJM

I’m so 3008, you’re so 2000 and late.

Realistically if you were 3008 you would be dead because of global warming, so that’s not really something to brag about Black Eyed Peas. Wait. Is that what the Busted song was about? That song came out 2 years before The Day After Tomorrow got everyone freaked out about climate change. Were Busted deliberately trying to warn us that we will have all of the icecaps melted by the year 3000?

4. Miley Cyrus – 4x4

5/21/17 - Las Vegas: 2017 Billboard Music Awards - Show Source: SIPA USA/PA Images

She can change her image and try go back to her old self as much as she wants, but she will never be able to undo the damage she did to my soul with these lyrics:

Driving so fast ’bout to piss on myself,Driving so fast ’bout to piss on myself,Driving so fast ’bout to piss on myself.

5. The Clash – Should I Stay Or Should I Go?

Clash_21051980_12_800 Source: Wiki

If I go there will be trouble, if I stay it will be double.

They make this whole song about deciding whether or not to leave when the answer is clearly to go because it will only amount to half of the trouble that staying will cause.

6. Robin Thicke – Blurred Lines

2015 amfAR's Cinema Against Aids Gala during the Cannes Film Festival Source: Dave Bedrosian/Geisler-Fotopress

What rhymes with hug me?

Rugby?

7. Fergie ft. Will.I.Am – Fergalicious

4/2/17 - West Hollywood: The Daily Front Row's Third Annual Fashion Los Angeles Awards Source: SIPA USA/PA Images

T to the A to the S T E Y, girl you tasty.

Thankfully Fergie later redeemed herself for this spelling error by teaching us all how to spell glamorous.

8. The Killers – Human

The Q Awards - London Source: Suzan

Are we humans? Or are we dancer?

For a long time I wanted to believe that the lyrics were actually “Are we denser?” because that could make some kind of sense. But no. Their website confirms that Brandon Flowers is asking “Are we dancer?” Are we dancer? I don’t know.

9. Bruno Mars – Grenade

France: Victoria's Secret Fashion Show Source: SIPA USA/PA Images

Should’ve known you was trouble
From the first kiss
Had your eyes wide open
Why were they open?

The only way he could know her eyes were open would be if he had his own eyes open.

10. Razorlight – Somewhere else

Splendour festival 2012 - Nottingham Source: EMPICS Entertainment

And I met a girl
She asked me my name
I told her what it was

The rest of the song is not much better than that. It seems Razorlight nailed the aesthetic and the sound to be extremely popular in 2005-2008 but they just prayed that nobody would actually listen to the lyrics.

11. Drake feat. Big Sean – All Me

2017 iHeartRadio Music Awards - Press Room - Los Angeles Source: Birdie Thompson

Big Sean really spoiled this song by adding this ridiculous line:

I’m the type to have a bullet-proof condom
And still gotta pull out
But that’s just me and I ain’t perfect

12. Drake – Forever 

Billboard Music Awards 2017 - Press Room Source: Kay Blake

He may have a lot of awards now, but ‘Forever’ by Drake is a big reminder of how far he’s come. Every line is more ridiculous than the last:

Like a sprained ankle, boy, I ain’t nothin’ to play with

Swimmin’ in the money, come and find me: Nemo
If I was at the club, you know I balled: chemo

Why Drake? Why?

13. Black Eyed Peas – I Got A Feeling

Wireless Festival - London Source: Suzan/Empics

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. Friday, Saturday, Saturday and Sunday. 

I really, deeply wish there were two Saturdays in a week. The lyrics are already pretty bad if you’re resorting to naming off the days of the week. That’s usually kept for kids nursery rhymes.

14. The Killers – All These Things That I’ve Done

MTV Europe Music Awards - Arrivals - Amsterdam Source: Doug Peters/EMPICS Entertainment

I’ve got soul, but I’m not a soldier.

The Black Eyed Peas are not the only repeat offenders.

15. Puff Daddy – Can’t Nobody Hold Me Down

Can't Stop, Won't Stop: A Bad Boy Story screening - London Source: Ian West

Young, black, and famous, with money hangin’ out the anus

Go see a doctor.

16. Jessie J – Wild

WE Day California Source: SIPA USA/PA Images

Am I asleep? No, I’m alive.

To be asleep you have to be alive. Also features this line from Big Sean:

Today I woke up, feelin’ like a mirror.

17.  Justin Bieber – Boyfriend 

Justin Bieber video Source: Yui Mok

Swag, swag, swag on you. Chillin’ by the fire while we eatin’ fondue. 

If you’re going to unnecessarily add the words “swag, swag, swag on you” to a song, you should probably make an effort to follow them up with a less ridiculous line. But no.

18. Coldplay – Fix You

Superbowl - Halftime Show - San Francisco Source: SIPA USA/PA Images

Lights will guide you home and ignite your bones

Ok the first bit about the lights is fine, kind of wholesome even. Igniting your bones? That does not sound so nice. How strong are these lights? Sounds like some kind of therapy Chris Martin was probably introduced to by Gwyneth Paltrow before their conscious uncoupling. If she likes deliberately getting stung by bees and putting olive oil in her vagina, then who can honestly say they’d be surprised to hear she likes to burn her bones.

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About the author:

Kelly Earley

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