BEING ASKED TO attend someone’s wedding is a great honour.
It’s one of the most important days of their life, and almost certainly one of the most expensive, and generally you’re delighted to be given the opportunity to attend.
That’s not to say that a wedding is without it’s downsides though. Like everything in life, there are elements of it which are simply a pain in the ass.
Here are the most annoying things about being a wedding guest.
Author’s note: Friends, I have loved every element of each and every one of your weddings and look forward to those that haven’t happened yet. Please do not think this is about you. It is not.
RSVP cards
While almost every other section of society has accepted that there are more efficient ways to communicate than traditional snail mail, wedding organisers insist on keeping things old school.
Rather than send a quick e-mail or text indicating your attendance, you have to fill in a card, put it in an envelope, find a stamp and go to the post office.
Don’t they know we’re lazy?
Dress code
You’re not meant to wear white, you’re not meant to wear black, there are those who say you shouldn’t wear red.
If it’s black tie you have to rent a tux or find a formal dress. If you’ve already been to a wedding within the same group you probably feel like you need something new.
It’s a pain.
Timing
Unfortunately weddings are immovable, therefore if the date doesn’t suit, that’s your problem.
If you are in a certain phase of your life, you may feel like most of your weekends, and your holiday days are being taken up with these events.
This weekend lots of weddings will be taking place, and undoubtedly some of the guests, while happy to be there, will be annoyed that they’re missing Electric Picnic.
Present
How much do you give? Do you get them a thing? Do you give them cash? What’s appropriate?
You don’t want to be seen as stingy, but at the same time, the whole thing is expensive before you even get to the gift.
The plus one
Is there anything worse than being offered a plus one and not having anyone to take it?
Even if you’re usually perfectly happy being single, that scenario makes you feel like a total loser.
Being a plus one
If you’ve never met the couple you have to endure the awkward moment where you are simultaneously introducing yourself and congratulating someone on the most special day of their lives.
Then of course, there’s the horror of being the plus one of someone who is actually in the wedding. They disappear for hours for the photos, and then sit at a separate table from you because of the ‘top table’ hooplah.
Also, do you have to contribute to the aforementioned present? How much? Half? What if you’ve never met them?
Waiting
It is universally acknowledged in Ireland that the worst part of the day is the bit between the ceremony and the meal where the bride and groom go off and get their photograph taken.
No one ever knows how long it will go on for, therefore everyone is slightly on edge. If you go for a sandwich you’re concerned you’re going to miss something. If you don’t go for a sandwich you bitterly regret it as your stomach gurgles for all to hear.
The Speeches
When they’re good, they’re great (see above).
When they’re bad, they’re insufferable.
When you don’t know the bride and groom, they might as well be in a different language because you don’t understand any of the in-jokes.
The entertainment
Maybe you’re really into Irish dancing and singing waiters, in which case you are in your element.
If those brands of entertainment aren’t your bag, you forced into a situation where you have to politely pretend to enjoy them, while inwardly wishing you were dead.
Wedding bands
When they’re good, they’re ok. When they’re bad, they’re insufferable.
People’s relatives
Sometimes they’re absolutely lovely, other times they take a shine to you and trap you on the dancefloor for 45 minutes.
The Bouquet
If you find yourself catching the bouquet and you don’t enjoy being the centre of attention the crowds of people turning and pointing at you while saying ‘You’re next!’ may make you feel like you’re in a horror film.
As a woman, you also face the possibility that a few drinks mixed with some healthy competitive spirit means you embarrass yourself by rugby tackling someone in your fight to catch the bouquet.
Finding a taxi
Due to people’s desire to get married in castles and the like with ’guest special’ rates of €350 per night, you are forced to stay in B&Bs miles away from the venue.
Cue the search for the rural taxi. There may actually only be one in the area, in which case you’d better hope he’s working or you’re on your own.
