1. “Hi, hey, dear, to? WHICH ONE”
Absolute mortification if you write ‘Hey’ and they write back with a pointed ‘Dear’. It doesn’t bear thinking about.
2. “Is it enough to say ‘How are you?’ or do I need to add a more personal flourish?”
“Hope you had a nice weekend! Can’t believe it’s Monday already!” – Put me down.
3. “Why am I ‘just’ doing everything?”
“I’m just wondering…” “I just had a question…”
Sorry Sheryl Sandberg. I’d love to lean in, but my brain won’t let me.
4. “How do I place exclamation marks so as to look warm and engaged, but not overly enthusiastic?”
We’ve all received emails like this! And wondered what the hell is this person so excited about! I know I’ve sent some! It’s so embarrassing!
5. “Is it possible to politely ask someone to do something urgently?”
Can you get this to me straight away? If you can? If it’s not too much of an issue for you? Would you like me to do it? I’ll do it.
6. “Now to decide on the least offensive sign off.”
- Best – Too blunt.
- Warm regards – The sign-off equivalent of ‘moist’.
- Warmest regards – You don’t care THAT much.
- All the best – This isn’t Sheila from Sales’ going-away card, FFS.
- Thanks – Weirdly sarcastic??
7. “Ah, sent. Wait – DID I SPELL THEIR NAME WRONG?”
Was she Maeve or Maedhbdhbdhbh? Back into the Sent box with you and think about what you’ve done.
And just when your heart stops racing, it’s time to do it all over again. Love working. Love being a professional person.
