This is the best one ever.

https://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20090813045333AAckhNd

Brilliant Sean

Understatement of the year Sean!

Sean, that is the funniest thing I have read in a while.

Years ago I was chatting a girl up before a concert in the O2 (the point back then) and she asked me: “Where are you from?”
I replied “longford”
She asked: “what county is Longford in?”

Hahah, thats a great one. As if anyone would really admit to being from Longford while chatting up a girl.

A few years ago I attended school in Australia.
And one day, the teacher started telling the class that Ireland is part of the UK.
I politely told her that most of Ireland is a republic.
I was actually shocked. A lot of people in Australia are Irish or have some Irish connection. I would excuse someone from outside of Ireland not knowing that normally, but a teacher?!? Especially one who was teaching us history w/ geography.
And one of her parents was Scottish too and she had been there.
I thought Ireland was well known :(

Donal. That’s exactly what an American gobshyte said to me in Florida a few years ago

A good friend of mine emigrated to Australia a few years ago, he’s one of those people who’d sell ice to an Eskimo, he often describes stories like this. He once told a room full of people that the Irish like nothing better than a good leprechaun hunt. His wife had baked some sort of cookies with green herbs in them and as he was telling this story everyone was eating them, eventually someone asked the million dollar question, “what do you do with the leprechaun’s when you catch them?”
He looker at her as if she was crazy and asked what do you do with anything you catch, you eat it. In this case we chop ‘em up real fine and make them into cookies, actually you’re eating some now. He said two of them actually puked.

A couple of years back Des Kelly had advertised a sale on the radio and in the Herald. I went into the one in Leixlip and the fella didn’t know anything about it. So I thought id just get my hands on yesterday’s Herald and prove it to him. So off I went in search of one. Just as I got outside I noticed a hair salon and thought happy days they will definitely have one! So in I went, but it had been chilly outside so soon as I went in my glasses steamed up and I couldn’t see anything, (im blind without them) the place fell silent and still. So I took the specs off to give them a rub while I made my way towards the figures cutting hair saying “excuse me, but you wouldn’t happen to have yesterdays evening Herald?” I popped the glasses back on and both the barbers and both their clients were Chinese, I turned around and both the fellas waiting were Chinese as well, so I asked again… But they just stared blankly at me…. write off!

The answer “It’s not either lol it’s dairy” is brilliant!