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Eurovision 2015 as it happened: Flying Conchita, vanishing women, and Swede heroes

All the action, live from Vienna.

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IT’S BEEN A beautiful day, and it was topped off with a beautiful Eurovision.

No. Seriously.

Here at we blogged every moment, every fist of pure emotion, every windswept diva, every set of glowing white teeth, and every prolonged high note that Vienna threw our way… and there were a lot.

Sweden’s Mans Zelmerlow won the title with Heroes, and well deserved it was.

Here’s how it went:

Have you calmed down yet? Have you opened the snacks, popped open the rock shandy? Nicky Byrne has signed off the Million Euro Challenge, and now we wait…

Well that was a classy opening. This guy is the undoubted star of it all. He’s just happy to be there, guys.


An instrumental version of Rise Like a Phoenix, and now Conchita in a sparkly purple number. We’re spoilt.


Hair watch: It’s long

Here’s all the contestants going on stage, minus us :(

Poor Molly, how she at least got a ticket in the nosebleeds.

Here’s the running order. Great bunch of lads, great bunch of lads.

  1. Slovenia
  2. France
  3. Israel
  4. Estonia
  5. United Kingdom
  6. Armenia
  7. Lithuania
  8. Serbia
  9. Norway
  10. Sweden
  11. Cyprus
  12. Australia
  13. Belgium
  14. Austria
  15. Greece
  16. Montenegro
  17. Germany
  18. Poland
  19. Latvia
  20. Romania
  21. Spain
  22. Hungary
  23. Georgia
  24. Azerbaijan
  25. Russia
  26. Albania
  27. Italy

Oh, take your time, we only have 27 acts to get through. More cheesey montages please, especially if they include more Conchita lookalikes.


Aaaaaand we’re off. Finally. Here’s Slovenia with their headphones, they wear to make them feel more relaxed.

Listen, we’re not gonna sugar coat it, you look like those lads on the back of the bus wearing unplugged Beats by Dre. Song isn’t bad though, thoughts?


Hide your ice cream France, look at those gulls behind you.


This is Lisa Angell, singing N’oubliez Pas. It’s quite… intense.

Up next, we’ve the Israeli Justin Timberlake. Nadav is singing Golden Boy, which could have been written by an Irish mammy.

Just an FYI, anyone calling himself the ‘king of fun’, probably isn’t.


Here’s Estonia. These pair are definitely gonna ride.


Fun fact, Elina was discovered on YouTube by the lad, Stig. Romance.

Marty has completely lost the run of himself. He can’t help the laughter, he’s mumbling Republic of Telly.

Keep it together Marty.

Can we all congratulate Armenia on their attempts to hit every note ever created?

Most importantly, these lads in the audience. Come to Ireland lads, plenty for you here.


THEY KISSED AGAIN. We’re sensing a pattern here. Just get together already Monika and Vaidas. Lithuania, can’t help but feel cheery.

Feeeeeeling looooooove.


OK, just gonna say it, Norway is a bit of a tune. And Debrah Scarlett’s hair is fab.


We’re just a little bit jealous.

Ooooh, Cyprus is up now. In black and white.

So hipster.

Their song is One Thing I Should Have Done by John Karayiannis. It’s all very mushy.


Where are the circular pianos? The spinning clowns? The gyrating hips? Give us something!

How are you getting on with the drinking game? I’d play it with some water but I can’t really take the time to go to the loo that often. I mean, Marty is VERY BEMUSED.




Also, please return Olly Murs’ general being.

If you’re doing the drinking game, you’ll probably need to switch to minerals due to the Australian snark rule.

Belgium boy Lorde is pretty great, and pretty scary.


STAY. AWAY. Loic. Also, you’re 19. Achieve less.


Next up, we have Austria, last year’s winners, with The Makemakes.

The whatwhats? JESUS LOOK AT THEM.

The hat, the hair, we can’t.


Here we go GREECE. A strong ballad, but a strong breeze has hit the stage and she’s gonna catch her death in that dress.


Sorry love, your attempts to ‘catch’ it will only fail.

Germany was a bit meh, wasn’t it?

Any predictions for a winner yet? William’s got a tip for ya. Heard it here first, so you did.



There’s Poland again, flogging their fragrant washing detergent.


We already got the industrial sized in Aldi.

While we like Romania’s necklace tie thing, he looks too like Pitbull for us to concentrate.


JLO gonna pop out any minute? Fingers crossed.

They can’t, they won’t, they never will… stop the party.

Here’s Spain, with Amanecer and the industral wind machine again.

Wind machine watch: Getting up to like a 7 on the Beaufort scale.


Georgia is a stand out, she looks like she’d actually kill you if you dared not give her ten.


But who does she remind you of…

Oh yeah… that goth kid from school.

Up next, Azerbaijan, with Hour of the Wolf.

The song isn’t up to a whole lot, but these dancers are wrecking the place.

We approve.


Whoa, Russia knocked it out of the park.

Singer Polina Gagarina looked and sounded like something from Frozen.



Only two more left lads. HANG ON IN THERE.

I’m trying to.

Finally, Italy finish us off with three tenor-like lads.

I have no idea what these lads are saying but their hair and brows are on POINT.

This guy SO doesn’t need these glasses though. Chancer.



She’s got long hair, still, and a fabulous suit jacket dress that we have to compare.




From Sunday Times columnist India Knight:

Thanks. Means a lot.

*sobs into piano ballad*

This 14-year-old winner of the junior Eurovision Vincenzo Cantiello just outsang the whole competition.


He’s just wonderful, God bless him!

stutters Marty.

It’s all very overwhelming.

The Eurovision has just won the Guinness World Record for the longest running music competition in the world.

“And that’s only tonight lads.”

You’re only gas Marty.

Montenegro is first up to vote.


What on EARTH is going on with her outfit?

Their twelve points went to Serbia, anyway. Nice start for them.

Malta gave their 12 to Italy.

It’s all politics lads.

Finland is SO EXCITED.


Serious white jacket from Finland, Joan Burton would be jealous.

They gave their 12 to Sweden.

LOOK at this lad’s hair.

Stop waving, and tell us that Belarus gave 12 points to RUSSIA.


The shade handed out by your wan on the left.

Albania give their 12 to Italy.

This guy has committed so many fashion crimes in such a small margin, we can’t.


Moldova saved our eyes by giving 12 to Romania.

Latvia just gave Sweden their 12 points and Serbia to Montenegro, Denmark to Sweden.

Leaderboard at the moment:


Hold on, who slipped Katherine Jenkins into the green room?


Belgium, represented by the lad from The Artist and the Nespresso ads, just gave 12 points to Sweden.



SCARLET ALERT. Austria and Germany are the only two with no points so far.

The UK have 1.

Morto for all involved.

Germany gave their 12 to Russia. But more importantly… that DRESS.

They’re laughing WITH each other, not AT each other.


Win win.

People aren’t happy with Ireland’s one point to the UK.



So, the UK aren’t going to win. But Nigella looked fierce doling out those results.


Their 12 went to Sweden.



Susie? Estonia gal? Nadia from Georgia? Why wasn’t Nigella invited?

Will this ever end? I doubt it. I can’t remember a time when the Eurovision wasn’t on.

Sweden is still in the lead, with eight countries still to vote, not counting the three vanishing women.

Susie, Tanya from Estonia and Nadia from Georgia all came back in the end.


What a happy ending. God bless us everyone.

There’s Sweden now, delighted with life.

It’s their 6th win, putting them right behind us as the second most successful in the contest.



Some final words from an elated Mans:

We are all heroes, no matter who we are, who we love, what we believe in, we are all heroes.


Here’s the final tally.


Congrats Sweden. There have been laughter, tears, minor breakdowns… but you won.


GOODNIGHT VIENNA, and you lot. Off to bed with you.


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